The Plot:
Troll 2 begins with the Wait family agreeing to vacation in the town of Nilbog in order to switch places with another family living there. Dad (George Hardy) wants the kids to experience an alternative small-town lifestyle by living in a remote farming community for a short time. The night before they leave, Grandpa Seth (Robert Ormsby), forewarns Joshua (Michael Stephenson) about what might happen if they travel to the small town. Problem is, Grandpa Seth has been dead for 6-months now. Joshua’s sister, Holly (Connie Young) gets a visit from her boyfriend, Elliot (Jason Write) and the two argue about his dedication to her vs. his dedication to his friends. He decides to travel with the Waits to show Holly his dedication to her.

The following day, the family leaves without Elliot as he never shows up. He does however follow in-tow showing up sometime later. After arriving in Nilbog, the Waits sit down for a meal provided by the townsfolk. Prior to eating though, Joshua unzips his pants and urinates all over the food soiling it for the family. He claims the food will turn the family into goblins and that everyone around them are goblins in disguise.

Later on, Elliot and his friends run into trouble in the woods. As Arnold is having a smoke he runs into a girl running from a pack goblins. Arnold attempts to save her but is captured and turned into a human/plant hybrid of sorts. It seems that this is what the goblins are doing in order to survive in Nilbog. After a few more run-ins with the goblins and his dead grandfather, Joshua puts a plan together to rid Nilbog of the pesky goblins once and for all, thus saving the family from sure doom.

The Takeaway:
May I please have my 94 minutes back, no, really… I’m going to keep this short and not so sweet. From a filmmaking point of view Troll 2 fails on every level there is. This failure comes from a host of issues which include terrible performances, make-up effects, costumes, editing, pacing and direction. The ending is also quite terrible and will have you stabbing your own face with your eyeballs. I mean c’mon, a bologna sandwich?

Film Facts:
Troll 2 was directed by Cladio Fragasso, written by Rossella Drudi shot by Giancario Ferrando and edited by Vania Amici. And shame on all of them for this pile of scat. Originally titled Goblins, distributors changed the name of the film in an attempt to capture an earlier audience from the somewhat successful 1986 film, Troll (the two films have nothing in common). This is the reason for not seeing “one” single “troll” in Troll 2. Troll 2 did see a very limited theatrical run and was considered a box-off failure immediately.

Cladio Fragasso (credited as Drake Floyd) had a long line of bad films prior to directing Troll 2. Films such as Hell of the Living Dead (1980), Rats: Night of Terror (1984), Monster Dog (1984) and Zombie 3 (1988) to name a few, all of which hover in the 4.0 rating range on the IMDB. Surprisingly enough, director/producer Joe D’Amato produced Troll 2. Yet even D’Amato wasn’t able to save Troll 2 from becoming what is now known as, the “best worst movie” ever (and no, I don’t subscribe to this).

Thoughts In My Head:
- Joshua sweats too much
- Who in their right mind vacations in a strangers house
- “I’m going outside for a breath of fresh air” as he takes his cigarettes with him
- That’s it, walk right into the lions den
- Holly couldn’t dance to save her life
- This is a terrible movie
- You should never take food from a stranger
- Bright yellow and pink clothes don’t look good on guys
- OK, the Waits are seriously retarded
- 48-minute mark. Sure seems like the 2-hour mark
- 68-minute mark. Oh my, 26-minutes left
- Seducing a teenager with an ear of corn doesn’t really work, does it
- My 5-year old boy just sighed with boredom
- 15-minutes left
- I’m never going to watch this film again

Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Sorry kids, no badasses in this one
Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Sorry kids, no boobs in this one
Favorite Death Scene: It doesn’t matter

Boob Count: 0 pair
Body Count: 1

IMDB Rating: 2.4 / 10
My Rating: 1.5 / 10

Final Thoughts: Troll 2 is a terribly inept film and honestly, I don’t feel it worth my time to go in-depth as to why it’s such a bad film. I will tell you that there is a documentary titled Best Worst Movie (2009) and it lends insight as to why the movie turned out so bad and why it has a small cult following. The documentary is far more interesting than the film itself. And oh, don’t let the 2.4 rating on the IMDB fool you, it’s much worse than what the cult followers are rating it.