Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts
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EP20 – Hard Ticket to Malibu Express In EP20 of the Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts.com Podcast, your host Mike is joined by Josh Stewart of Mentertainment Tonight. Mike and Josh discuss two Andy Sidaris films, Malibu Express (1985) and Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987). Andy’s wife, Arlene Sidaris, also joins us in this episode and talks about what it was like working with her husband Andy and others such as Julie Strain, Al Leong, Erik Estrada, Danny Trejo and the many others to appear in their films.
Arlene Sidaris Interview (15:29)
Malibu Express (54:50) Category: Boobs Badass: Cody Abilene (both Mike and Josh) Boob Count: 22 pair Body Count: 5 IMDB Rating: 3.3 Josh’s Rating: 6.5 Mike’s Rating: 4.5 Recommend: Yes (both Mike and Josh)
Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1:23:16) Category: Boobs Badass: Donna and Taryn (both Mike and Josh) Boob Count: 8 pair Body Count: 14 IMDB Rating: 3.6 Josh’s Rating: 6.75 Mike’s Rating: 5.0 Recommend: Yes (both Mike and Josh)
EP20 Feedback I’d love to hear feedback on this episode once you’ve given it a listen. Contact info is given at the end of the podcast. You can also comment right here on this page or send an email to: badassesboobsandbodycounts_@_yahoo.com (remove the _ before and after the @ or the email will bounce). Any and all feedback (positive or negative) will be read on the following episode.
EP20 Downloads Download from the RSS feed: EP20 – Hard Ticket to Malibu Express Direct download: EP20_bbandbc_hardtickettomalibuexpress.mp3 Direct from iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/bbandbc-podcast Direct from Stitcher Smart Radio: EP20 – Hard Ticket to Malibu Express
Coming up in EP21 In EP21 of the Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts.com Podcast, Mike will be joined by Kevin Bachelder from Tuning in to Sci-Fi TV and the Saturday B Movie Reel podcast. Mike and Kevin will discuss two John Carpenter films, They Live (1988) and Big Trouble in Little China (1986). This is a first for the BBandBC web site and Podcast as we have yet to discover any John Carpenter films.
Show Notes: Malibu Express (IMDB) : Hard Ticket to Hawaii (IMDB) : MENtertainment Tonight : After Movie Diner : Bad Movie Fiends : The Projection Booth : B-Movie Bargain Bin : BBandBC Facebook Group :
Podcast Promo’s: WAFU FM : Destroy The Brain : Traumatic Cinematic
Music: Hard Ticket to Hawaii
The Plot: Return to Savage Beach begins at KSXY radio where radio disc jockey Ava (Ava Cadell) and Harry the Cat (Kevin Eastman) are observing the launch of a new L.E.T.H.A.L. satellite via a space shuttle. Just minutes after the shuttle launches from the Kennedy Space Center (because we know it only takes minutes to launch and deploy a satellite into deep space), the L.E.T.H.A.L. team is online and observing all bad guy activity.
In another part of the world (Dallas, I think), a super-hot pizza delivery woman (mind you, she’s an under-cover super-hot pizza delivery woman) is putting on her skin tight delivery outfit and is off to deliver pizza and drinks to the L.E.T.H.A.L. headquarters. This super-hot pizza delivery woman manages to get by L.E.T.H.A.L. security by offering FREE pizza and soda (this is PRE-911 so security is relaxed to say the least). Once all the L.E.T.H.A.L. employees are out cold (this is the dumbest bunch of Feds I have ever seen), the super-hot pizza delivery woman steals a floppy disc containing the whereabouts of buried treasure on the island known as Savage Beach.
After the L.E.T.H.A.L. office awakes, all the L.E.T.H.A.L. agents come together in order to figure out what the super-hot pizza delivery woman was after. It seems she wanted access to the Savage Beach files as there’s a possible treasure trove of gold buried somewhere on the island. After the agents scratch their heads, they decide to call in the ‘Warrior’ (Marcus Bagwell) to assist them in the hunt for the treasure. Wait a minute, wasn’t the Warrior the bad guy in the last film, Day of the Warrior (1996)?
The Takeaway: First and foremost, the ladies in Return to Savage Beach are gorgeous from head to toe (or should I say tit to ass). Andy Sidaris once again manages to fill the on-screen action with buxom beauties who have no problem what-so-ever getting naked. Along with this are a variety of exciting gun-fights and explosions throughout the production. However, naked beauties, gun-fights and explosions aren’t enough to save Return to Savage Beach from becoming below average B-Movie fodder.
Return to Savage Beach is not Andy Sidaris’ best film. In fact, and from a script point of view, it’s possibly his worst. Let me cite some examples: 1 – A pizza delivery woman would never be allowed to just walk into a high security building. 2 – A highly skilled Federal Agent should be able to hit a target. 3 – No division of Federal Government would allow an international smuggler, bootlegger and murderer to join the good team (if this were the case, Osama Bin Laden would have been on our side long ago). 4 – I don’t care how good you are, you can’t hide a metal file in your G-String. 5 – It takes more than a few minutes to deploy a working satellite into deep space. These of course are only a handful of things that stand out like a sore thumb. The film is riddled with such scenes. So remember when going into this, it’s an Andy Sidaris film.
Film Facts: Return to Savage Beach was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1998. Return to Savage Beach (sometimes referred to as L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach ) is a direct sequel to Andy Sidaris’ Day of the Warrior (1996) and was the last film Andy Sidaris would direct. The only newcomer to the cast of Return to Savage Beach (coming off of Day of the Warrior ) was Carrie Westcott as Sofia. Carrie previously appeared as Playboy Playmate of the month for September of 1993. Outside of Return to Savage Beach , Carrie’s work on TV and in film has been very limited with only a handful of credits. Gerald Okamura (the martial arts expert) appeared in numerous TV and film roles. Some of these include MacGyver (1985), Big Trouble in Little China (1986), Falcon Crest (1981) and Samurai Cop (1989) to name a few. And although Okamura is a 5th degree black belt in Kung Fu, you’d never know it by watching this film as he’s terrible in the action sequences he appears in. Last but not least, Arlene Sidaris’ mother, Beebe Smillow, can be seen in Return to Savage Beach . She’s the elderly woman who gets drugged by eating pizza at the L.E.T.H.A.L. offices.
You can find out more about Andy Sidaris and his films at the Andy Sidaris Website run by his beautiful wife, Arlene Sidaris. You can also visit my review of Hard Ticket To Hawaii to learn a little more about Andy Sidaris.
Thoughts In My Head: – Tiger’s tits are ripe melons just waiting to be juiced – Cobra’s boobs look as big as ever – What the hell is that, oh, yeah, a floppy-disc – OMG, The Phantom of the Opera has arrived – Cobra is quite the package – Oh, look, it’s the Asian version of KISS – Both good and bad guys in this film can’t shoot worth a shit – Umm, ya, I don’t really want to see man-ass – The mask on Martinez is ridiculous – “Warrior, take a walk with me’ translates to “Warrior, come fuck me” – Aren’t ninja’s supposed to be stealthy – Silk has once again proven herself to be completely worthless – This is our most important mission yet, so it’s time to get topless and go for a swim – Ninja’s carry guns, OK… – If trees were bad guys, these agents would be excellent shots – Wow, that’s the worst German accent I’ve ever heard – Now that we’ve saved the world, lets go have sex – Would 40-year old gasoline still work in an engine – Cut out all the nudity and soft-core sex scenes and you’d have a 60-minute movie – Kevin Eastman’s role as Harry the Cat is not needed what-so-ever. He does nothing at all
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: The Warrior, because he’s so good looking Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Tiger, hello… Favorite Death Scene: The RC Tank death
Boob Count: 13 pair Body Count: 6
IMDB Rating: 2.8 / 10 My Rating: 2.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: As a fan of B-Movies, I want some degree of realism in the films I watch. I want to be able to believe that what I’m seeing on-screen could possibly happen in the real world, even if that belief is minimal. Return to Savage Beach is riddled with ludicrous plot devices that make it tough for even this very open-mined, amateur, film critic to believe.
The Plot: The Dallas Connection begins with a series of killings located in different countries around the world. We quickly learn that the men being targeted were to converge with each other at a scientific symposium in Dallas. The ladies doing the killings all have radios in which they communicate back to HQ after each death. And for some reason or another (you find out later), they video record each assassination.
Back in Dallas, a meeting is held at the agency where we learn about International World Arms Removal (IWAR). IWAR is a high-tech satellite project which detects everything from small arms movements, to full-blown weapons of mass destruction. What makes IWAR so different is its ability to see through the most severe weather conditions. We also learn that scientist Antonio Morales (Rodrigo Obregon) is headed to Dallas and needs to be protected as he is the key to getting IWAR online.
Once Morales arrives in Dallas, Agent Samantha Maxx (Samantha Phillips) is assigned to protect him. After her assignment begins, they’re off to watch the horse races and have a nice expensive dinner where Morals fantasizes about Maxx, whom nearly has sex with herself at the dinner table. Shortly after this (once Morales comes out of his daydream), the story begins to unfold and we see that Morales isn’t who he appears to be, so the “almost always naked” Federal Agents have to figure a way to stop Morales.
The Takeaway: I rather enjoyed The Dallas Connection . I can’t exactly put my finger on why I enjoyed it so much, I just know that when the film came to an end, I wrote in my notes ‘I like this film’. It’s not a whole lot different than previous Sidaris productions where half dressed big breasted Federal Agents run around shooting at everything that moves. So that’s not it. Maybe it was how the film ended (which I won’t give away). While most of Sidaris’ films end with the bad guys losing (and this one is no different), I think I was genuinely thrown for a loop in terms of how one particular character was written into the script. I should have seen this coming, but I didn’t, therefore I have to give credit to Christian Drew Sidaris for his writing talent in this particular production.
Film Facts: The Dallas Connection was written and directed by Christian Drew Sidaris (son of Andy Sidaris) and was produced by Andy and Arlene Sidaris. It was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in October of 1994. Christian Drew Sidaris had previously directed Enemy Gold (1993) and played second unit director to all of his fathers previous films. The Dallas Connection stars several former Playboy and Penthouse models including Julie Strain as Black Widow (Penthouse Pet of the month for June of 1991). Samantha Phillips as Samantha Maxx (Penthouse Pet of the month for June of 1993 – also a stunningly beautiful woman). Julie K. Smith as Cobra (Penthouse Pet of the month for February of 1993) and Wendy Hamilton as Scorpion (Playboy Playmate of the month for December of 1991).
Thoughts In My Head: – Nothing like boobs and bondage to start a Sidaris production – Do the Chinese really play golf – Exploding golf balls, oh my… – When I die, I want to cum and go at the same time – I thought all Asians had martial art skills, guess I was wrong – I’ve come to the conclusion that Julie Strain can’t act (but she looks amazing) – Now that the agents have their missions, it’s off to drink and have sex with each other – Is talking on your super-spy radio in ‘open public’ a smart thing to do – A pink wet suit on a man just doesn’t look right – “my mind is a blank” consider the source buddy – LOL, the super-spy radio’s are Sony Walkman’s – “should have read your fortune cookie” says the white man to the Asian (ouch) – Cobra has fabulous boobies
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Black Widow, she fucks’em then kills’em Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Cobra, she has massive boobs for such a small-framed gal Favorite Death Scene: The RC car/jeep explosion (deadly toys are always a plus)
Boob Count: 13 pair Body Count: 11
IMDB Rating: 4.1 / 10 My Rating: 5.0 / 10
Final Thoughts: Christian Drew Sidaris showed signs of improvement over his last film entry, Enemy Gold (1993). The Dallas Connection is slightly better in terms of production, pace and story, therefore making it a slightly more enjoyable film. One I can say I’ll revisit at a later time.
The Plot: Day of the Warrior begins when Tiger (Shae Marks) discovers someone has hacked into the L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law) computer database to steal a list of all the Agency’s top undercover agents. Tiger quickly makes her way to Willow Black’s office (Julie Strain) to inform the boss-lady of what just happened.
After Tiger and Black’s meeting, we’re taken elsewhere and introduced to a powerful criminal named “Warrior” (Marcus Bagwell). It seems that Warrior is into all sorts of criminal activities such as stolen diamonds, jewelry, terribly bad looking gold Mayan art pieces and the illegal practices of pirated pornography. Mildly put, he’s an all-around bad guy who is feared by all who meet him. He also dresses like a Native-American Indian wrestler.
Now that the undercover Federal Agents identities are at risk, Tiger and Black hit the road in an attempt to save Cobra (Julie K. Smith), Shark (Darren Wise) and Scorpion (Tammy Parks) before the Warrior gets to them himself. Will the war painted, greased up, steroid induced, Warrior kill the agents? Or will the L.E.T.H.A.L. ladies prevail once again?
The Takeaway: Let me get the bad out of the way so I can close this section of the review on a positive note. Day of the Warrior is a film that covers a lot of ground in a short amount of time. The multiple plot-lines and subtext are difficult to follow since the film jumps from scene to scene so often. This hurts the film on many different levels as the viewer isn’t able to attached themselves to any of the characters and is often times left wondering what just happened and why. As for me, this lead me to lose focus quickly and to look at how much time was left in the film quite frequently (not a good thing).
On the up-side of things, there are plenty of gorgeous women in the film who all get naked or topless at one point or another. In fact, I’d say that Day of the Warrior manages to have the best looking line-up in any Andy Sidaris film in terms of beautiful buxom women. This is quite the achievement considering the line-up Sidaris puts in front of us in his earlier films. Another note-worthy mention are the actors portraying the hit-men. Both Richard Cansino (J.P.) and Cassidy Phillips (Chaz) are hilarious and have excellent chemistry when on-screen together. Well done gentlemen.
Film Facts: Day of the Warrior was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1996. Day of the Warrior put Andy Sidaris back in the directors chair after a 3-year layoff. Sidaris cast former pro-wrestler Marcus Bagwell (aka Buff Bagwell) as the lead villain. Bagwell is best known for his World Championship Wrestling between the years 1991 and 2001, where he was World Tag Team Champion 5 times running. New to the Andy Sidaris line-up was Julie K. Smith. Smith appeared in a few minor roles prior to Day of the Warrior and became a staple of the soft-core porn industry in the late 90s. Shae Marks was Playboy Playmate of the Month for May 1994 (look her up guys, she’s a stunning beauty). Raye Hollitt was a female body builder and is best known for her stint on the TV show American Gladiators 1989 – 1996 (you may know Hollitt by her stage name, ZAP).
Thoughts In My Head: – I really want to work in this Federal office – This is the breast Andy Sidaris film yet – The Warrior has amazing hair – Tiger is super HOT! – The two worthless hit-men are pure gold in my book – Never cast a short male Asian actor next to a 6’1 amazonian Julie Strain – Zebra skin leggings, haha, awesome – This plot is terribly convoluted – The Warrior is a terrible villain – Why is Cobra in the shower with a bikini on – One hour in and no plot devises are paying off yet – Is Kym a man – Yuck, Kym and the Warrior are making love. I can’t tell who the man is – Jordon’s Aussie accent is horrible – You guys didn’t SEE or HEAR that back-hoe coming a mile away – The Warrior is really greasy – 20 minutes left… – Rewinds DVD to see Tiger naked again – This wrestling match is literally ridiculous – This is the longest gun-fight ever – 6 minutes left
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: The Warrior, his appearance is so ridiculous, its badass Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Tiger, wow what a set this woman has! Favorite Death Scene: None, honestly, nothing really stands out
Boob Count: 11 pair Body Count: 11
IMDB Rating: 2.5 / 10 My Rating: 3.0 / 10
Final Thoughts: Day of the Warrior does have its moments, however, it’s slow pace and confusing story may not be worth all the beautiful nude women Andy Sidaris includes throughout the run of the film.
The Plot: Enemy Gold begins in a time of civil unrest and Civil War. Soldiers are told to take a small group of men behind the lines to extract gold from the enemy. The mission ends with all but two of the soldiers dying. These two soldiers succeeded in finding the gold as we see them burying it and marking a tree with a knife before dying themselves.
Next we’re introduced to modern day Federal Agents Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall), Mark Austin (Mark Barriere) and Becky Midnite (Suzi Simpson). All three are on a scouting mission to bust drug manufacturers deep in the woods. After finding cocaine in a small cabin guarded by thugs, the three successfully bust the operation wide open, or do they? Agent Dickson (Alan Abelew), who shows up shortly after the bust, informs the three that the search was illegal, therefore the bust is invalid. Dickson then dismisses the three telling them they are on inactive duty until further notice.
After this, we learn that Dickson is directly tied to drug dealer Santiago (Rodrigo Obregon). We also meet Santiago’s personal assassin, Jewel Panther (Julie Strain). It’s here that Dickson gives Santiago a device allowing him to keep track of the three inoperative agents (whom are now on vacation camping in the woods). This eventually leads Santiago and his thugs to the gold that the three vacationing agents accidentally stumbled across while in the woods.
The Takeaway: I wasn’t sure what to expect with Enemy Gold prior to watching it as I had never seen it before. While doing a bit of research on the film I learned that it wasn’t directed by Andy Sidaris. Enemy Gold was directed by Christian Drew Sidaris, the son of Andy Sidaris, and second assistant director to most of the Andy Sidaris’ films. With that said, I went into the film with the hope of seeing something new and fresh. What Enemy Gold ends up being is very similar to that of what Andy Sidaris had been directing and producing years before. Removed from the Enemy Gold story is the L.E.T.H.A.L. organization and most of the familiar cast of characters Andy Sidaris worked so hard to build in his films, with the exception of Bruce Penhall and Rodrigo Obregon. The story however is interesting as it ties the Civil War era to modern day and does so through the childhood of the two male leads, Chris Cannon (Penhall) and Mark Austin (Barriere). However, all three leads (including Simpson) are up to the same old tricks that Sidaris laid down years earlier, thus making Enemy Gold feel very much like an Andy Sidaris directed film. In fact, the film is so similar in context to that of an Andy Sidaris film, that you’d likely not know there was a director change if you didn’t read film credits. I guess this is a compliment to Christian Drew Sidaris as Enemy Gold is rather fun to sit through despite it retreading earlier, familiar grounds.
Film Facts: Enemy Gold was written by Wess Rahn and Christian Drew Sidaris. It was directed by Christian Drew Sidaris and produced by Andy and Arlene Sidaris. Enemy Gold was released in 1993. The ladies of interest appearing in Enemy Gold are both B-Movie Queen Julie Strain as Jewel Panther and former Playboy Playmate and actress Suzi Simpson as Becky Midnite. Prior to appearing in Enemy Gold , Simpson appeared in Playboy magazine for the month of January, 1992. She also appeared in several related Playboy videos afterwards. Beyond Enemy Gold , Simpsons credits are limited to 3 other productions, the TV series Eden (1993), The Last Road (1997) and Rock Star (2001).
Thoughts In My Head: – Ouch, the fight choreography in this film hurts to watch – Hey, the 90’s called and they want their mullets back – None of these Federal Agents ever show their credentials – Oh yeah, Santiago is a ladies man, nail those two in the shower – With this music, I feels as though I’m watching porn – Jewel is over-acting her toughness – A nice cold shower means hard nipples – These agents celebrate kills as though playing a video game – Dickson’s a real cock sucker – Meow, cat-fight! – Santiago and Dickson need to get a room, or just kill each other
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Suzi Simpson as Becky Midnite, her name alone says it all Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Suzi Simpson as Becky Midnite, her boobs are perfect Favorite Death Scene: Mullet man, he goes boom with an exploding arrow to the chest
Boob Count: 10 pair Body Count: 9
IMDB Rating: 3.9 / 10 My Rating: 4.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Although the story of Enemy Gold is slightly different than that of the Andy Sidaris films before it, it feels very much like an Andy Sidaris film. If Christian Drew Sidaris intended on breaking away from the Andy Sidaris look and feel, then Enemy Gold fails. If however he intended it to be an extension of his fathers work, then he’s succeeded on all levels.
Next Episode 3/10
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Recent Posts EP118 – Bigfootery EP117 – Firecracker EP116 – Zero Woman Red Handcuffs EP115 – Butterfly and Sword EPB1 – Top and Bottom 5 of 2014 EP114 – Nekromantik EP113 – Stripped to Kill EP112 – Raw Force EP111 – Kung Fu Rascals EP110 – Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama EP109 – Dreamaniac BBandBC EP108 – Nightmare Sisters BBandBC EP107 – Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper BBandBC EP106 – Creepozoids BBandBC EP105 – Vampyros Lesbos BBandBC EP104 – The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine BBandBC EP103 – Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror BBandBC Podcast EP102 – Scum of the Earth BBandBC Podcast EP101 – Black Devil Doll BBandBC Podcast EP100 – Jailed for Date Bait BBandBC Podcast EP13 – I Drink Your Blood BBandBC Podcast EP99 – The Mighty Gorga BBandBC Podcast EP98 – The Fearless Vampire Killers BBandBC Podcast EP97 – One Down, Two to Go BBandBC Podcast EP96 – Mr. No Legs BBandBC Podcast EP95 – Pink Flamingos BBandBC Podcast EP94 – Brain Damage BBandBC Podcast EP93 – 5 Dolls for an August Moon BBandBC Podcast EP92 – Evil Spawn BBandBC Podcast EP91 – Across 110th Street
EP118 – Bigfootery
EP117 – Firecracker
EP116 – Zero Woman Red Handcuffs
EP115 – Butterfly and Sword
EPB1 – Top and Bottom 5 of 2014
EP114 – Nekromantik
EP113 – Stripped to Kill
EP112 – Raw Force
EP111 – Kung Fu Rascals
EP110 – Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama
EP109 – Dreamaniac
BBandBC EP108 – Nightmare Sisters
BBandBC EP107 – Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper
BBandBC EP106 – Creepozoids
BBandBC EP105 – Vampyros Lesbos
BBandBC EP104 – The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine
BBandBC EP103 – Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror
BBandBC Podcast EP102 – Scum of the Earth
BBandBC Podcast EP101 – Black Devil Doll
BBandBC Podcast EP100 – Jailed for Date Bait
BBandBC Podcast EP13 – I Drink Your Blood
BBandBC Podcast EP99 – The Mighty Gorga
BBandBC Podcast EP98 – The Fearless Vampire Killers
BBandBC Podcast EP97 – One Down, Two to Go
BBandBC Podcast EP96 – Mr. No Legs
BBandBC Podcast EP95 – Pink Flamingos
BBandBC Podcast EP94 – Brain Damage
BBandBC Podcast EP93 – 5 Dolls for an August Moon
BBandBC Podcast EP92 – Evil Spawn
BBandBC Podcast EP91 – Across 110th Street
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