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The Plot: The Pom Pom Girls begins on the beach where several girls practice cheer-leading routines. Once this scene breaks, a couple of the gals hop into a red 55 Chevy to go for a spin with a couple of guys. Back at high school, we see that the school is having cheer-leading tryouts.
While back in school, we learn that there’s some sort of rivalry with another school as there’s a big upcoming football game and the kids from one school are pranking the kids at the other and vice versa. One such prank is a fire truck being stolen to wet down the opposing football team as they practice.
As The Pom Pom Girls progresses, kids from both schools continue to prank each other in a fun, harmless fashion. At this point during the film, a prep-rally speech from the principle tells the kids that under cover police officers will be at all of the upcoming football games looking for kids smoking pot.
The Takeaway: The Pom Pom Girls is a fun, yet somewhat slow film to watch. There’s little to no nudity up to the 65 minute mark, but honestly, the film isn’t about naked girls, it’s about the football rivalry between two schools and the pranks that ensue between each school. In that regard, the film works well as each prank is fun and harmless in nature. Despite its slow pace, direction from Ruben is serviceable and the chemistry and performances between the guys and girls make the film worth watching. It’s good fun!
Film Facts: The Pom Pom Girls was written, produced and directed by Joseph Ruben. The film was distributed by Crown International Pictures and was released in May of 1976 and grossed nearly $18,000,000, making it a massive success considering the films low budget. Joseph Ruben went on to direct films such as Dreamscape (1984), The Stepfather (1987), Sleeping With The Enemy (1991) and The Good Son (1993). Robert Carradine’s career sprouted legs after The Pom Pom Girls as he went on to appear in The Big Red One (1980), Revenge of the Nerds (1984), The Tommyknockers (1993) and can be seen in Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming film Django Unchained (2012) as Tracker Lex.
Thoughts In My Head: – I miss the 70s and all that camel-toe – Boobies (took long enough, 15 min mark) – Robert Carradine looks so young, that’s because he is… – I think one of these kids is gonna plug the teacher – For some reason I was under the impression there where naked girls in this film – I smell a food fight, jeez, really – More boobs… – These silly boys are always fighting – OK, boob time (girls locker room scene) – I’m happy the boys shower scene didn’t turn into a sausage-fest – Shit, is the football coach a cop? – Oh fuck, did Johnny go over the edge – LOL, guess not…
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Sorry kids, no badass in this one Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: The shower scene, after all, this is where the boobs are Favorite Death Scene: Sorry kids, no deaths in this one
Boob Count: 7 pair Body Count: 0
IMDB Rating: 5.0 / 10 My Rating: 5.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: The Pom Pom Girls turns out to be a somewhat slow, yet fun teenage sex comedy from the mid 70’s with little to no sex in the comedy. And while I give it just an above average score, it’s a fun drive-in romp worth watching.
The Plot: The Beast That Killed Women begins in the hospital where a wounded man lays while being questioned by a police officer. It seems he and his wife were the victims of some kind of animal attack at the local nudist camp. From his bed he begins to tell the terrifying tale of what happened at “The Camp”.
In a flashback sequence we’re taken to the couple’s home where it’s decided by the two, to stay at “The Camp” through the weekend. You see, “The Camp” is a nudist colony in which they own membership in. So off they go where they end up joining other couples for a weekend of nude frolicking and other naked activities. Shortly after arriving, they disrobe and join in on all the naked fun. This includes nude swimming, nude sunbathing and nude volleyball games. In fact, just about everything they do at the camp requires no clothes.
One evening while most everyone is asleep, a gorilla emerges from the nearby brush to attack and kill a woman (oddly enough, a fully clothed woman) on a midnight stroll. The woman’s body is found the next day and as more time passes, more attacks occur, only this time there are witnesses that claim the beast is a gorilla. The police then put together a scheme to capture the hairy critter using a decoy female officer. Do they succeed in killing the man in the gorilla suit, I mean the gorilla, or will the hairy beast continue to have its way with all the naked flesh at “The Camp”?
The Takeaway: The Beast That Killed Women is exploitation at its finest. It’s not about the silly story, or a man in a really bad gorilla suit, it’s about how many naked women a horny director can get in front of a camera, and maybe with a bit of luck, get laid while making a cheap-ass flick. Director Barry Mahon makes no attempt what-so-ever to expose penis in his film, I mean, why would he? Sure, we see a few male backsides, but aside from that, approximately 95% of the men are clothed (most in swimming trunks). The women on the other hand are all running around completely naked. Many of these shots are from their backsides and all of them cover their pubic region, so we never see anything but ass and breasts. But don’t let that get you down (pun intended) because there are plenty of breasts to be seen. So how’s the film stack up in regards to filmmaking? Who cares! I mean you got a guy running around in a $50 gorilla suit and a ton of naked ladies. Am I really supposed to care about the quality of the film? Uh, no…
Film Facts: The Beast That Killed Women was directed by Barry Mahon and written by Clelle Mahon. With 54 directorial credits on Mahon’s IMDB resume, the man kept himself busy in the Nudie Cutie filmmaking business. Some titles include The Adventures of Busty Brown (1964), The Girl with the Magic Box (1965) and A Good Time with a Bad Girl (1967) to name a few. Writer Clelle Mahon (which I suspect is the wife of said director) wrote only three titles, She Should Have Stayed in Bed (1963), Nudes on Tiger Reef (1965) and the film in question here, The Beast That Killed Women . All of which where directed by Barry Mahon.
Thoughts In My Head: – Ahh, the good’ol days, sigh, there’s no more smoking in hospitals – Thank god this movie is only 60 minutes long – It’s off to “The Camp” for an even tan, yeah, right… – Quality acting – Most of these nudist aren’t pleasant to look at – At night everyone stays dressed, so its true, they really did want an even tan – Oh, a man in a cheap gorilla suit, and he’s short too – When screaming, isn’t noise supposed to come out of your mouth? – This gorilla sounds like an injured dolphin – I love large puffy nipples – Oh, black boobs, delish… – These people are morbid (as they flock to see a dead body) – Why are the men running around dressed? – The cop can’t act worth a shit (well, no one can for that matter) – Get fully naked bitches! After all, this is a nudist colony, not a topless colony – “I cant’s sleep” (says the next victim) – OK, WTF, as the movie progresses people are getting less naked – Oh shit, there’s the gorilla again – “help” “help” “the giant monster has my husband” Uh, hello, the ape is like 5 feet tall, giant? – Wow, the acting is atrocious – Is that a bottle of milk that came out of that coke machine – This fucking gorilla is scaring off all the naked chicks – With all the people leaving, who will the gorilla target next – Shouldn’t the under cover cop get naked too? – There’s still a lot of nudist left, safety in numbers I suppose – The decoy (the undercover cop) has clothes on, fuck that shit – Then again, the gorilla has only attacked people in clothes – The chase is one, the beast will never get away – Oh, I see how you are. Now that the beast is gone you’re coming back to the camp (sonsabitches) – Now that the beast is dead, can we get some pussy
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: The gorilla. C’mon, he scared the whole fucking camp away Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: So many to choose from. Any woman with large puffy nipples Favorite Death Scene: Sorry kids, no favorite deaths in this one
Boob Count: 68 pair Body Count: 2
IMDB Rating: 2.2 / 10 My Rating: 3.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: The Beast That Killed Women is not a very well made film. Truth be told, I’m thankful it was only 60 minutes long. Divide 68 x 60 and you get 1.13 pair of boobs per minute. You just can’t buy boob quantities like that these days thus I have to recommend this to boob lovers across the globe.
The Plot: Fly Me begins by introducing its three main characters whom are stewardesses or flight attendants if you will. Toby (Pat Anderson), Andrea (Lenore Kasdorf) and Sherry (Lyllah Torena) are all working a flight headed to Japan. Once in Japan, Sherry is for some reason abducted and the other two girls set out to find her.
During the search for Sherry, we learn that Andrea is a kung fu master who has the ability to fight-off highly trained ninjas. OK, maybe they aren’t ninja’s, but they dress in black and appear to be so. We also see that Toby’s mother is a royal pain in the ass and never for one minute lets Toby, whom is a full grown woman, out of her sight, let alone have dinner with a male counterpart.
With the film coming to a close, rather quickly I might add, the plot point is revealed and Toby’s doctor friend becomes a kung fu killing machine in order to rescue his beloved girl. A girl he doesn’t really know, thanks to her over-bearing mother. We also get to see this kung fu doctor work his way through dozens of professionally train kung fu artist. Yeah, it could happen.
The Takeaway: OK, I admittedly enjoyed this film by the time the end credits rolled. Yeah, the god-awful kung fu fighting scenes were laughable and the scenes with gun-fire even worse. In fact, all the action sequences were terribly choreographed and at first un-enjoyable. But how often are you going to come across a film that contains beautiful stewardesses that know kung fu and get naked often during a film? Never! Besides, I just turned my brain off halfway through and really enjoyed the film for what it was, an early 70s exploitation classic. And that’s exactly what you have to do when going into this drive-in cult classic, turn your brain off and enjoy.
Film Facts: Fly Me was directed by Cirio Santiago and written by Miller Drake. It was released by New World Pictures in 1973. Cirio Santiago was a name I wasn’t familiar with and in looking at his resume, I see he kept very busy after Fly Me . He directed films such as Savage (1974), TNT Jackson (1974), Cover Girl Models (1975), She Devils in Chains (1976), Vampire Hookers (1978) and Naked Vengeance (1985) to name a few. As a writer, Miller Drake changed professions just after two films. He went on to do visual effects in films such as The Abyss (1989), Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991), JFK (1993), Cliffhanger (1993) and True Lies (1994) to name a few. Miller Drake is still working in the business as a visual effects artist today.
Thoughts In My Head: – I’d like to fly you – LOL, Dick Miller as the taxi-cab driver – These stewardesses are a clumsy bunch – Time to join the mile-high club – A Japanese dope and sex party. I bet we see some small cock here – If this guys a doctor, I’m a Chinese fighter pilot – Umm, this is the worst kung fu ever – Wow, seriously, the worst kung fu fight ever – Does this film even have a plot? – So far the only great thing about this film are the occasional boobs – More terribly bad kung fu fighting scenes – Finally, some signs of a plot. Smuggle the drugs in and get forced to prostitute – This plot is paper thin. But wow, the boob count is starting to climb – I must have missed something, I thought this lady and her daughter was in Japan not the Philippines – OK, Fly Me is about drugs and sex slavery – It’s about time the plot rears its ugly head
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Sorry kids, no badasses in this one Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: I’d have to say Toby’s Favorite Death Scene: Every death scene in this film is fantastically bad, I lov’em all
Boob Count: 13 pair Body Count: 9
IMDB Rating: 5.4 / 10 My Rating: 5.0 / 10
Final Thoughts: Fly Me is an exploitation film at its core. There are plenty of deaths throughout the film to satisfy the average action fan and plenty of boobs to satisfy the average pervert. It’s a film I recommend as long as you turn the CPU off before starting it.
The Plot: Elvira: Mistress of the Dark begins with Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) lying on a couch (looking as sexy as ever) inside a low budget TV studio doing her nightly horror movie show. Once the show comes to an end, she’s introduced to the station’s new owner who immediately gropes her breasts. Seconds later the station loses Elvira when she quits to pursue her dream of having her own show in Las Vegas.
Back in the dressing room, Elvira is told by her manager that if she wants her own show she’ll have to finance it herself. This wouldn’t be a problem if she had $50,000 laying around. Seconds later a telegram arrives and Elvira finds out that her great Aunt Morgana (also played by Cassandra Peterson) has died and she’s to attend a reading of the will.
Once at the reading, where Elvira meets her Great-Uncle Vincent Talbot (William Sheppard), she’s left Morgana’s house, pet poodle and an old family recipe book (which turns out to be Morgana’s spell book). Great-Uncle Vincent is left nothing. However, Vincent does have an interest in the recipe book and offers Elvira $50 for it. Elvira accepts the offer, but has bigger things on her mind (as do we when we watch this film), like selling the house to fund her Las Vegas act.
The Takeaway: Elvira: Mistress of the Dark isn’t a serious horror film. In fact, some may argue that it’s not a horror film at all, and that it leans more towards comedy, and they’d be right. While the films script revolves around Elvira trying to gather the cash to start her Las Vegas career, it does so with a lot of great one-liners delivered brilliantly by Cassandra Peterson (whom by the way has great comedic timing). The dark under-tone of the story is delivered in the third act of the film when Great-Uncle Vincent exposes who he is and why he wanted that spell book so badly.
As far as the film goes, and believe me when I say this, you need to go into Elvira: Mistress of the Dark with an open mind and the ability to have fun while watching a comedy themed horror film. From the get go Elvira shovels one-liners left and right and it works with the tone of the film. Another part of what makes the film work so well is the supporting cast. Daniel Greene as Bob Redding is brilliant in his shy, almost, love-struck role. Edie McClurg as Chastity Pariah was the perfect choice for the town gossip and hypocrite. Jeff Conaway as Travis and his side-kick Frank Collison as Billy are brilliant in their roles as bowling alley lounge lizards
Film Facts: Elvira: Mistress of the Dark was directed by James Signorelli, written by Sam Egan, John Parago and Cassandra Peterson and was shot by Hanania Baer. The film was distributed by New World Pictures and was released in September of 1988. The films budget was $7,500,000 and it grossed $5,500,000 making it a studio flop in terms of its financial outcome. Director James Signorelli’s background is for the most part in TV, playing director to NBC’s Saturday Night Live. His only other directed film was Easy Money (1983) starring Rodney Dangerfield. Cinematographer Hanania Baer has been very busy in his career. Outside of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark he shot films such as Breakin’ (1984), American Ninja (1985) and Masters of the Universe (1987) to name a few.
Cassandra Peterson is best known for her on-screen horror hostess persona, Elvira Mistress of the Dark where she hosted the TV show Movie Macabre. Movie Macabre aired terribly bad horror films where Elvira would poke fun of them coming in and out of commercial breaks. Peterson has a rich, deep, interesting history in which you can learn more at her Wikipedia page (as Elvira ) and IMDB page. Movie Macabre vaulted Peterson to fame and eventually landed her in numerous TV spots and film roles and would find her as a spokesperson for many different products throughout the years.
Thoughts In My Head: – I sure miss New World Pictures – Elvira has enormous ratings… and cleavage too – Fallwell, Massachusetts looks surprisingly poetic – “Nice tits” says the old man, LOL – Elvira’s boobs are simply glorious – “Does a chicken have a pecker” Awesome – Poor Elvira, the whole town is against her, except the horny teenagers of course – Elvira’s flashdance is TITillating – I can’t ever recall pleasuring myself to Elvira, but I may have – Oh my, Elvira was an ugly baby – Elvira looks fantastic holding a bazooka – And Elvira gets her Las Vegas act, and its every bit as bad as I knew it would be
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Sorry kids, no badasses in this one Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Elvira’s, even though we only ever see her cleavage Favorite Death Scene: Uncle Vincent, the only death in the film
Boob Count: 0 pair Body Count: 1
IMDB Rating: 5.7 / 10 My Rating: 6.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Elvira Mistress of the Dark is a fun, campy, comedic horror film that should be taken lightly and with a buttery bowl of popcorn. I find the film thoroughly entertaining and Elvira’s boobs a pleasure to look at.
The Plot: Return to Savage Beach begins at KSXY radio where radio disc jockey Ava (Ava Cadell) and Harry the Cat (Kevin Eastman) are observing the launch of a new L.E.T.H.A.L. satellite via a space shuttle. Just minutes after the shuttle launches from the Kennedy Space Center (because we know it only takes minutes to launch and deploy a satellite into deep space), the L.E.T.H.A.L. team is online and observing all bad guy activity.
In another part of the world (Dallas, I think), a super-hot pizza delivery woman (mind you, she’s an under-cover super-hot pizza delivery woman) is putting on her skin tight delivery outfit and is off to deliver pizza and drinks to the L.E.T.H.A.L. headquarters. This super-hot pizza delivery woman manages to get by L.E.T.H.A.L. security by offering FREE pizza and soda (this is PRE-911 so security is relaxed to say the least). Once all the L.E.T.H.A.L. employees are out cold (this is the dumbest bunch of Feds I have ever seen), the super-hot pizza delivery woman steals a floppy disc containing the whereabouts of buried treasure on the island known as Savage Beach.
After the L.E.T.H.A.L. office awakes, all the L.E.T.H.A.L. agents come together in order to figure out what the super-hot pizza delivery woman was after. It seems she wanted access to the Savage Beach files as there’s a possible treasure trove of gold buried somewhere on the island. After the agents scratch their heads, they decide to call in the ‘Warrior’ (Marcus Bagwell) to assist them in the hunt for the treasure. Wait a minute, wasn’t the Warrior the bad guy in the last film, Day of the Warrior (1996)?
The Takeaway: First and foremost, the ladies in Return to Savage Beach are gorgeous from head to toe (or should I say tit to ass). Andy Sidaris once again manages to fill the on-screen action with buxom beauties who have no problem what-so-ever getting naked. Along with this are a variety of exciting gun-fights and explosions throughout the production. However, naked beauties, gun-fights and explosions aren’t enough to save Return to Savage Beach from becoming below average B-Movie fodder.
Return to Savage Beach is not Andy Sidaris’ best film. In fact, and from a script point of view, it’s possibly his worst. Let me cite some examples: 1 – A pizza delivery woman would never be allowed to just walk into a high security building. 2 – A highly skilled Federal Agent should be able to hit a target. 3 – No division of Federal Government would allow an international smuggler, bootlegger and murderer to join the good team (if this were the case, Osama Bin Laden would have been on our side long ago). 4 – I don’t care how good you are, you can’t hide a metal file in your G-String. 5 – It takes more than a few minutes to deploy a working satellite into deep space. These of course are only a handful of things that stand out like a sore thumb. The film is riddled with such scenes. So remember when going into this, it’s an Andy Sidaris film.
Film Facts: Return to Savage Beach was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1998. Return to Savage Beach (sometimes referred to as L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach ) is a direct sequel to Andy Sidaris’ Day of the Warrior (1996) and was the last film Andy Sidaris would direct. The only newcomer to the cast of Return to Savage Beach (coming off of Day of the Warrior ) was Carrie Westcott as Sofia. Carrie previously appeared as Playboy Playmate of the month for September of 1993. Outside of Return to Savage Beach , Carrie’s work on TV and in film has been very limited with only a handful of credits. Gerald Okamura (the martial arts expert) appeared in numerous TV and film roles. Some of these include MacGyver (1985), Big Trouble in Little China (1986), Falcon Crest (1981) and Samurai Cop (1989) to name a few. And although Okamura is a 5th degree black belt in Kung Fu, you’d never know it by watching this film as he’s terrible in the action sequences he appears in. Last but not least, Arlene Sidaris’ mother, Beebe Smillow, can be seen in Return to Savage Beach . She’s the elderly woman who gets drugged by eating pizza at the L.E.T.H.A.L. offices.
You can find out more about Andy Sidaris and his films at the Andy Sidaris Website run by his beautiful wife, Arlene Sidaris. You can also visit my review of Hard Ticket To Hawaii to learn a little more about Andy Sidaris.
Thoughts In My Head: – Tiger’s tits are ripe melons just waiting to be juiced – Cobra’s boobs look as big as ever – What the hell is that, oh, yeah, a floppy-disc – OMG, The Phantom of the Opera has arrived – Cobra is quite the package – Oh, look, it’s the Asian version of KISS – Both good and bad guys in this film can’t shoot worth a shit – Umm, ya, I don’t really want to see man-ass – The mask on Martinez is ridiculous – “Warrior, take a walk with me’ translates to “Warrior, come fuck me” – Aren’t ninja’s supposed to be stealthy – Silk has once again proven herself to be completely worthless – This is our most important mission yet, so it’s time to get topless and go for a swim – Ninja’s carry guns, OK… – If trees were bad guys, these agents would be excellent shots – Wow, that’s the worst German accent I’ve ever heard – Now that we’ve saved the world, lets go have sex – Would 40-year old gasoline still work in an engine – Cut out all the nudity and soft-core sex scenes and you’d have a 60-minute movie – Kevin Eastman’s role as Harry the Cat is not needed what-so-ever. He does nothing at all
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: The Warrior, because he’s so good looking Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Tiger, hello… Favorite Death Scene: The RC Tank death
Boob Count: 13 pair Body Count: 6
IMDB Rating: 2.8 / 10 My Rating: 2.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: As a fan of B-Movies, I want some degree of realism in the films I watch. I want to be able to believe that what I’m seeing on-screen could possibly happen in the real world, even if that belief is minimal. Return to Savage Beach is riddled with ludicrous plot devices that make it tough for even this very open-mined, amateur, film critic to believe.
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Recent Posts EP154 – The Astro-Zombies EP153 – Erotic Nights of the Living Dead EP152 – Miami Connection Drive-In Cult Cinema Collection Give-a-way EPB02 – Dinosaur Island EP151 – Contamination EP150 – The Legend of Boggy Creek EP149 – Sugar Hill EP148 – The Strange Colour of Your Body’s Tears EP147 – Bikini Drive-In EP146 – Hey Slappy (Jason X) EP145 – Savage Vengeance EP144 – Westworld EP143 – Gila! EP142 – The Killer EP141 – The Hamburger Pimp EP140 – Detroit 9000 EP139 – Viva Knievel! EP138 – Night of the Comet EP137 – The Amazing Transplant EP136 – Night of the Bloody Rapes EP135 – Virgin Witch EP134 – Hideout in the Sun EP133 – Skinner EP132 – They Call Her One Eye EP131 – The Devil Within Her EP130 – Louisiana Hussy EP129 – Zombeavers EP128 – Mamorial Day Special EP127 – WolfCop
EP154 – The Astro-Zombies
EP153 – Erotic Nights of the Living Dead
EP152 – Miami Connection
Drive-In Cult Cinema Collection Give-a-way
EPB02 – Dinosaur Island
EP151 – Contamination
EP150 – The Legend of Boggy Creek
EP149 – Sugar Hill
EP148 – The Strange Colour of Your Body’s Tears
EP147 – Bikini Drive-In
EP146 – Hey Slappy (Jason X)
EP145 – Savage Vengeance
EP144 – Westworld
EP143 – Gila!
EP142 – The Killer
EP141 – The Hamburger Pimp
EP140 – Detroit 9000
EP139 – Viva Knievel!
EP138 – Night of the Comet
EP137 – The Amazing Transplant
EP136 – Night of the Bloody Rapes
EP135 – Virgin Witch
EP134 – Hideout in the Sun
EP133 – Skinner
EP132 – They Call Her One Eye
EP131 – The Devil Within Her
EP130 – Louisiana Hussy
EP129 – Zombeavers
EP128 – Mamorial Day Special
EP127 – WolfCop
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