Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts
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The Plot: Do or Die begins with Federal Agents Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) attending a Luau on the islands. During the Luau they’re pulled aside by a thug who introduces them to Masakana Kaneshiro aka Kane aka Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita). As Kane rambles on about putting six teams of hit-men on the girls, his thug plants a bug on Donna’s wristwatch allowing him to track her whereabouts at all times (unless of course she decides to change her watch as women often do when changing clothes).
After the girls narrowly escape the first team of assassins, it’s off to Las Vegas to meet with an agency associate. The girls arrive at the Quarter Scale Association Air Show (a model airplane show held in the Las Vegas desert) and meet up with an associate who gives them a very special deadly weapon, an RC helicopter armed with missiles. Once the helicopter is neatly packed away, the girls head off (and again, narrowly escape death from a second assassin team) to meet the rest of the agency members.
Once the agency team assembles in Louisiana, we learn that Mr. Miyagi’s plan is to control the American Stock Market by killing Federal Agents (OK, I’m not sure how one controls the stock market by doing this, but I’ll go with it). Back in Louisiana, more teams of assassins arrive only to die attempting to kill the large breasted agency girls. At this point, the team is off to subdue Mr. Miyagi so he never again gets out of control (thank God, I was worried for the stock market).
The Takeaway: I’ll get right to the point, Do or Die isn’t a very good film in terms of plot or subtext. The plot is paper thin and unlike many of Sidaris’ earlier films, there are no real twists or turns to be had. In short, Do or Die is very linear in nature. Technically speaking, Do or Die is one of Sidaris’ better films as it moves along at a nice steady pace and is edited to near perfection. There are two scenes that stand out as near ‘art’. The first is the pool scene with Donna (Speir) and Estevez (Estrada). Sidaris directs this scene to near perfection as the colors and reflections of the water lend the scene to Picasso-like art. The second scene is with Shane (Shane) and Atlanta (Stephanie Schick aka Pandora Peaks). While these two simply remove their clothes and make love under a waterfall, Sidaris uses the waterfall to his advantage and slows down the speed of the camera capturing the moment in a surreal way.
Film Facts: Do or Die was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1991. Erik Estrada first appeared in films such as The Cross and the Switchblade (1970), Chrome and Hot Leather (1971) and The Ballad of Billie Blue (1972). In the mid-70s Estrada moved to a TV career and made appearances in shows such as Hawaii Five-O , Emergency and Kojak . Estrada soon landed the role of Officer Francis Llewellyn Poncherello in TVs C.H.I.P.S. , where he played a CHP officer. C.H.I.P.S. ran for 6 years and was cancelled in 1983.
The stunningly beautiful Ava Cadell (Ava) appeared in films such as The Ups and Downs of a Handyman (1975), Spaced Out (1979) and Commando (1985). Dr. Ava Cadell is currently a practicing sex therapist who has authored numerous books on the subject and can be heard on her own radio show ‘Sex Drive’ (FYI – she gets naked in Do or Die and looks stunning). The other beauty in Do or Die is Stephanie Schick aka Pandora Peaks (that’s right, the bigger the better) . Although now retired from the adult entertainment industry, Peaks posed for over 100 adult magazines in her day and also appeared in the Demi Moore driven Striptease (1996) as stripper Urbanna Sprawl. And I must say, her peaks are the peak of Do or Die .
You can find out more about Andy Sidaris and his films at the Andy Sidaris Website run by his beautiful wife, Arlene Sidaris. You can also visit my review of Hard Ticket To Hawaii to learn a little more about Andy Sidaris.
Thoughts In My Head: - If you want someone dead, just kill them on the spot - Awesome, Nicole’s walking cane doubles as a missile launcher - Edy, please stop singing, no, seriously - Oh my, the new agent has HUGE delicious boobs - This new girl is gonna knock herself out running - Mr. Miyagi gets a happy ending massage, simply awesome - Screw the security watch, lets fuck - Don’t you have to take your pants off to have intercourse - Baseball bombs, only in an Andy Sidaris film - Who cares about standing watch, lemme have a look at those watermelons - I love 80s hair styles - That’s it, nail her in the pool Poncherello - Mr. Miyagi’s choice in assassins is terrible - How convenient, a baseball bat in the middle of the woods, OK… - Death by RC helicopter is the only way to go
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: The use of the missile equipped RC helicopter Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: It’s a tie! Both Ava and Atlanta’s boobs are delicious Favorite Death Scene: The ninjas. After all, they’re at the receiving end of missile equipped RC helicopter
Boob Count: 14 pair Body Count: 14
IMDB Rating: 2.7 / 10 My Rating: 4.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Despite the paper thin plot, Do or Die works for a couple of reasons, Ava and Atlanta’s boobs, the missile equipped RC helicopter and the fact that this schlocky action oriented film is pure b-movie entertainment.
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The Plot: Guns begins with black market weapons dealer Juan Degas aka Jack of Diamonds (Erik Estrada) meeting with a gun supplier from China. After testing a new revolutionary gun, Degas agrees to purchase a bulk of the weapons and plans on smuggling them to the mainland through Hawaii. However, the islands are crawling with Federal Agents so Degas devices a plan to get the agents off the island so he can smuggle his new guns without interference.
Degas then hires two high-tech hit-men to kill key agent Nicole (Roberta Vasquez), but the hit-men mistakenly eliminate the wrong woman. Degas then gives the hit-men a second chance and the two saboteurs finally lure the agents off the island as they chase them to Las Vegas in an attempt to catch them. Once in Vegas, the story begins to unfold as both Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole figure out that Degas is behind all the craziness.
We’re then introduced to political figure Kathryn Hamilton (Phyllis Davis) as she gives a direct, specific, order, to Donna on how to handle the situation moving forward. We also learn that Kathryn is Donna’s mother. Shorty after this, Degas abducts Kathryn and things turn personal for Donna as she makes it her business to see the safe return of her mother.
The Takeaway: Unlike Malibu Express (1985), Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987), Picasso Trigger (1988) and Savage Beach (1989), Guns is a very linear film with very few sub-plots to follow. While this makes it an easy film to watch (you know, put the film in and turn the brain off), it does make for a much less interesting film. As far as direction, editing and pacing go, Sidaris does a serviceable job and delivers plenty of action. However, I’m of the opinion that the film is uneven and carries a weak cast thus lending it to one of Sidaris’ weakest films. As far as performances go, and I’m referring to bad guy Erik Estrada, his ability to perform as a bad guy in the film hurts it. I believe that Danny Trejo could have easily filled Estrada’s shoes in this role and would have been the better choice. And while the rest of the cast turn in average performances at best, Roberta Vasquez as Nicole often struggles and looks uncomfortable in front of the camera.
Film Facts: Guns was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. It was filmed in and around the Hawaiian Islands and parts of Las Vegas. Guns was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1990. Erik Estrada, to this day has been a very busy performer. Most of his appearances have been in guest spots for TV and B movies. He is of course best known for his role of ‘Poncherello’ on the TV series C.H.I.P.S. in which he appeared in 139 episodes (1977-1983). Surprisingly enough, the biggest name to come out of Guns was Danny Trejo. Trejo has appeared in over 225 roles/titles to date and can be seen in hits such as From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), Machete (2010) and Grindhouse (2007) just to name a few.
Thoughts In My Head: - If you have nice tits, you’re a shoe-in for your own Vegas show - 30 minutes in and no boobs, for shame - BOOBS! - Does oil wrestling really need a judge - Degas’ gold smoking jacket is magnificent - Erik Estrada’s hair is just amazing. It’s so silky smooth - Not one Federal Agent in this film is ever fully dressed - Do acts like Edy’s really exist in Vegas? - Ninja’s, really now… - Hit-men should never have to cross-dress - RC boats and bombs are a deadly combination for some - Never thought I’d say this, but I miss Taryn as Donna’s partner - Despite her lack of talent, Edy is hot!
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Tong (Danny Trejo), for being a steadfast side-kick to Degas Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Edy, she’s HOT! Favorite Death Scene: Degas, what an explosion!
Boob Count: 7 pair Body Count: 16
IMDB Rating: 2.9 / 10 My Rating: 3.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Guns is possibly the low-point in the Andy Sidaris film collection. It’s somewhat uneven and performances from the cast are average at best. But despite my low rating for the film (what can I say, I’m a fan of Andy Sidaris and B movies in general), I think it’s a fun romp that should be viewed with your brain turned off. Just don’t start with Guns if you’re wanting to explore the Andy Sidaris film collection as it may turn you off to the rest of his films (which are much better than this).
@ Reverend_Scott My penis is so big that I have to buy two tickets when going to the movie theater :-) 42 minutes ago
@ DrunkonVHS is possibly the fastest Googler on the planet! 54 minutes ago
@ maven1974 @ DrunkonVHS hehe 1 hour ago
@ DrunkonVHS best guest ever? Maybe right behind @ maven1974 1 hour ago
Starting the editing process on EP11 with @ DrunkonVHS - this should be fun :-) 1 hour ago
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