Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts
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The Plot: Malibu Express begins when private investigator Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton) gets a call from the Government Intelligence Group to investigate some socialites whom are entangled with a group illegally selling computer technologies to the Russians. Once Cody arrives, we’re introduced to Contessa Luciana (Sybil Danning) whom is Cody’s liaison. After welcoming Cody, the two get very comfortable with each other and hop in bed for some sex.
The following morning Cody heads to the Chamberlain residents where he’s to carefully investigate the family and its hidden secrets. During his stay he finds the Chamberlains’ chauffeur, Shane (Brett Clark), sleeping with literally every woman in the house, with the exception of the elder Lady Chamberlain. Shane is not only dipping his fun-stick into the grape flavored kool-aid, but he’s also recording his love sessions with hidden video cameras.
One evening after one such recorded session, Shane is confronted by a masked-killer with a gun. This masked-killer shoots Shane, killing him, and then proceeds to take some nudie photos and a tape that was locked away in a dresser drawer. The following morning Shane’s body is found by Cody and the game is afoot as Cody dives head first into the mess he’s gotten himself into.
The Takeaway: As is par for the course, this Andy Sidaris production is all over the place in terms of story. With so many sub-plots in Andy’s scripts I often wonder how he doesn’t over-look things. Yet at the end of every film, every single sub-plot gets tied up and resolved. This is one of the things I love about Andy’s films. No matter how complex or questionable they first appear, everything gets resolved, even if the resolve is silly or unbelievable. Malibu Express is no different in terms of plot twists and turns. The story at times is complex but it all comes together in the end.
The other thing I love about Andy is, he has no issues whatsoever exploiting the women in his films (at least it appears so in Malibu Express ). He does so with grace and style never making his performers feel less than what they are. Besides, if you’re a former Playboy Playmate and sign on to appear in an Andy Sidaris production, then you likely knew you were going to get naked at some point or another. As far as the film goes, I really enjoyed Malibu Express . The script is believable (well, to a point) and it throws a lot less one-liners at you if compared to his later productions. And while you can’t take the story too seriously, there are a few very funny moments throughout the film (scenes or one-liners if you will) that should have you laughing at Cody (Darby Hinton).
Film Facts: Malibu Express was written, produced and directed by Andy Sidaris. The film was shot in and around Beverly Hills, Willow Springs Raceway in Los Angeles and parts of the Mojave Desert. It was distributed by Universal Studios and released in March of 1985. The leading man, Darby Hinton, was no stranger to the business as he appeared in 110 episodes in the popular TV series Daniel Boone (1964-1970 as a child actor). Along with his stunning good looks, his performance in Malibu Express is more then serviceable. Hinton also appeared in several different TV series throughout 70s and 80s and in Greydon Clark’s Wacko (1982). Malibu Express also features a variety of beautiful girls, most of which were Playboy Playmates. Kimberly McArthur (Jan 1982), Barbara Edwards (Sept 1983), Lorraine Michaels (Apr 1981), and Lynda Wiesmeier (July 1982). It also featured B-movie actress Sybil Danning. Needless to say, the above mentioned performers all get naked (or topless) at one point or another presenting the viewer with an orgy of boobs throughout the entire run of the film.
You can find out more about Andy Sidaris and his films at the Andy Sidaris Website run by his beautiful wife, Arlene Sidaris. You can also visit my review of Hard Ticket To Hawaii to learn a little more about Andy Sidaris.
Thoughts In My Head: - I love boobs, tight shorts and camel-toe - Umm, can your jeans be any tighter Cody - The maid could double as Rapunzel with that hair - The thugs are named after gospels, Matthew, Mark and Luke, OK… - A topless used car dealer in the middle of a desert? I love Andy Sidaris - Wow, there are so many naked women in this film - “Make my day” are you serious? - Shit, Cody gets more ass than a public toilet
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Cody, for just looking so damned sexy Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: The shower scene on Cody’s boat Favorite Death Scene: Shane. This guy was a prick and treated women like dirt
Boob Count: 22 pair Body Count: 5
IMDB Rating: 3.2 / 10 My Rating: 4.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Although my rating for Malibu Express is just below average, I love the film for a variety of different reasons. Andy Sidaris manages to throw plenty of hot naked women at you while giving you action scene after action scene all wrapped around a silly, yet, entertaining story.
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