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The Plot: Return to Savage Beach begins at KSXY radio where radio disc jockey Ava (Ava Cadell) and Harry the Cat (Kevin Eastman) are observing the launch of a new L.E.T.H.A.L. satellite via a space shuttle. Just minutes after the shuttle launches from the Kennedy Space Center (because we know it only takes minutes to launch and deploy a satellite into deep space), the L.E.T.H.A.L. team is online and observing all bad guy activity.
In another part of the world (Dallas, I think), a super-hot pizza delivery woman (mind you, she’s an under-cover super-hot pizza delivery woman) is putting on her skin tight delivery outfit and is off to deliver pizza and drinks to the L.E.T.H.A.L. headquarters. This super-hot pizza delivery woman manages to get by L.E.T.H.A.L. security by offering FREE pizza and soda (this is PRE-911 so security is relaxed to say the least). Once all the L.E.T.H.A.L. employees are out cold (this is the dumbest bunch of Feds I have ever seen), the super-hot pizza delivery woman steals a floppy disc containing the whereabouts of buried treasure on the island known as Savage Beach.
After the L.E.T.H.A.L. office awakes, all the L.E.T.H.A.L. agents come together in order to figure out what the super-hot pizza delivery woman was after. It seems she wanted access to the Savage Beach files as there’s a possible treasure trove of gold buried somewhere on the island. After the agents scratch their heads, they decide to call in the ‘Warrior’ (Marcus Bagwell) to assist them in the hunt for the treasure. Wait a minute, wasn’t the Warrior the bad guy in the last film, Day of the Warrior (1996)?
The Takeaway: First and foremost, the ladies in Return to Savage Beach are gorgeous from head to toe (or should I say tit to ass). Andy Sidaris once again manages to fill the on-screen action with buxom beauties who have no problem what-so-ever getting naked. Along with this are a variety of exciting gun-fights and explosions throughout the production. However, naked beauties, gun-fights and explosions aren’t enough to save Return to Savage Beach from becoming below average B-Movie fodder.
Return to Savage Beach is not Andy Sidaris’ best film. In fact, and from a script point of view, it’s possibly his worst. Let me cite some examples: 1 – A pizza delivery woman would never be allowed to just walk into a high security building. 2 – A highly skilled Federal Agent should be able to hit a target. 3 – No division of Federal Government would allow an international smuggler, bootlegger and murderer to join the good team (if this were the case, Osama Bin Laden would have been on our side long ago). 4 – I don’t care how good you are, you can’t hide a metal file in your G-String. 5 – It takes more than a few minutes to deploy a working satellite into deep space. These of course are only a handful of things that stand out like a sore thumb. The film is riddled with such scenes. So remember when going into this, it’s an Andy Sidaris film.
Film Facts: Return to Savage Beach was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1998. Return to Savage Beach (sometimes referred to as L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach ) is a direct sequel to Andy Sidaris’ Day of the Warrior (1996) and was the last film Andy Sidaris would direct. The only newcomer to the cast of Return to Savage Beach (coming off of Day of the Warrior ) was Carrie Westcott as Sofia. Carrie previously appeared as Playboy Playmate of the month for September of 1993. Outside of Return to Savage Beach , Carrie’s work on TV and in film has been very limited with only a handful of credits. Gerald Okamura (the martial arts expert) appeared in numerous TV and film roles. Some of these include MacGyver (1985), Big Trouble in Little China (1986), Falcon Crest (1981) and Samurai Cop (1989) to name a few. And although Okamura is a 5th degree black belt in Kung Fu, you’d never know it by watching this film as he’s terrible in the action sequences he appears in. Last but not least, Arlene Sidaris’ mother, Beebe Smillow, can be seen in Return to Savage Beach . She’s the elderly woman who gets drugged by eating pizza at the L.E.T.H.A.L. offices.
You can find out more about Andy Sidaris and his films at the Andy Sidaris Website run by his beautiful wife, Arlene Sidaris. You can also visit my review of Hard Ticket To Hawaii to learn a little more about Andy Sidaris.
Thoughts In My Head: – Tiger’s tits are ripe melons just waiting to be juiced – Cobra’s boobs look as big as ever – What the hell is that, oh, yeah, a floppy-disc – OMG, The Phantom of the Opera has arrived – Cobra is quite the package – Oh, look, it’s the Asian version of KISS – Both good and bad guys in this film can’t shoot worth a shit – Umm, ya, I don’t really want to see man-ass – The mask on Martinez is ridiculous – “Warrior, take a walk with me’ translates to “Warrior, come fuck me” – Aren’t ninja’s supposed to be stealthy – Silk has once again proven herself to be completely worthless – This is our most important mission yet, so it’s time to get topless and go for a swim – Ninja’s carry guns, OK… – If trees were bad guys, these agents would be excellent shots – Wow, that’s the worst German accent I’ve ever heard – Now that we’ve saved the world, lets go have sex – Would 40-year old gasoline still work in an engine – Cut out all the nudity and soft-core sex scenes and you’d have a 60-minute movie – Kevin Eastman’s role as Harry the Cat is not needed what-so-ever. He does nothing at all
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: The Warrior, because he’s so good looking Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Tiger, hello… Favorite Death Scene: The RC Tank death
Boob Count: 13 pair Body Count: 6
IMDB Rating: 2.8 / 10 My Rating: 2.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: As a fan of B-Movies, I want some degree of realism in the films I watch. I want to be able to believe that what I’m seeing on-screen could possibly happen in the real world, even if that belief is minimal. Return to Savage Beach is riddled with ludicrous plot devices that make it tough for even this very open-mined, amateur, film critic to believe.
The Plot: Day of the Warrior begins when Tiger (Shae Marks) discovers someone has hacked into the L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law) computer database to steal a list of all the Agency’s top undercover agents. Tiger quickly makes her way to Willow Black’s office (Julie Strain) to inform the boss-lady of what just happened.
After Tiger and Black’s meeting, we’re taken elsewhere and introduced to a powerful criminal named “Warrior” (Marcus Bagwell). It seems that Warrior is into all sorts of criminal activities such as stolen diamonds, jewelry, terribly bad looking gold Mayan art pieces and the illegal practices of pirated pornography. Mildly put, he’s an all-around bad guy who is feared by all who meet him. He also dresses like a Native-American Indian wrestler.
Now that the undercover Federal Agents identities are at risk, Tiger and Black hit the road in an attempt to save Cobra (Julie K. Smith), Shark (Darren Wise) and Scorpion (Tammy Parks) before the Warrior gets to them himself. Will the war painted, greased up, steroid induced, Warrior kill the agents? Or will the L.E.T.H.A.L. ladies prevail once again?
The Takeaway: Let me get the bad out of the way so I can close this section of the review on a positive note. Day of the Warrior is a film that covers a lot of ground in a short amount of time. The multiple plot-lines and subtext are difficult to follow since the film jumps from scene to scene so often. This hurts the film on many different levels as the viewer isn’t able to attached themselves to any of the characters and is often times left wondering what just happened and why. As for me, this lead me to lose focus quickly and to look at how much time was left in the film quite frequently (not a good thing).
On the up-side of things, there are plenty of gorgeous women in the film who all get naked or topless at one point or another. In fact, I’d say that Day of the Warrior manages to have the best looking line-up in any Andy Sidaris film in terms of beautiful buxom women. This is quite the achievement considering the line-up Sidaris puts in front of us in his earlier films. Another note-worthy mention are the actors portraying the hit-men. Both Richard Cansino (J.P.) and Cassidy Phillips (Chaz) are hilarious and have excellent chemistry when on-screen together. Well done gentlemen.
Film Facts: Day of the Warrior was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1996. Day of the Warrior put Andy Sidaris back in the directors chair after a 3-year layoff. Sidaris cast former pro-wrestler Marcus Bagwell (aka Buff Bagwell) as the lead villain. Bagwell is best known for his World Championship Wrestling between the years 1991 and 2001, where he was World Tag Team Champion 5 times running. New to the Andy Sidaris line-up was Julie K. Smith. Smith appeared in a few minor roles prior to Day of the Warrior and became a staple of the soft-core porn industry in the late 90s. Shae Marks was Playboy Playmate of the Month for May 1994 (look her up guys, she’s a stunning beauty). Raye Hollitt was a female body builder and is best known for her stint on the TV show American Gladiators 1989 – 1996 (you may know Hollitt by her stage name, ZAP).
Thoughts In My Head: – I really want to work in this Federal office – This is the breast Andy Sidaris film yet – The Warrior has amazing hair – Tiger is super HOT! – The two worthless hit-men are pure gold in my book – Never cast a short male Asian actor next to a 6’1 amazonian Julie Strain – Zebra skin leggings, haha, awesome – This plot is terribly convoluted – The Warrior is a terrible villain – Why is Cobra in the shower with a bikini on – One hour in and no plot devises are paying off yet – Is Kym a man – Yuck, Kym and the Warrior are making love. I can’t tell who the man is – Jordon’s Aussie accent is horrible – You guys didn’t SEE or HEAR that back-hoe coming a mile away – The Warrior is really greasy – 20 minutes left… – Rewinds DVD to see Tiger naked again – This wrestling match is literally ridiculous – This is the longest gun-fight ever – 6 minutes left
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: The Warrior, his appearance is so ridiculous, its badass Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Tiger, wow what a set this woman has! Favorite Death Scene: None, honestly, nothing really stands out
Boob Count: 11 pair Body Count: 11
IMDB Rating: 2.5 / 10 My Rating: 3.0 / 10
Final Thoughts: Day of the Warrior does have its moments, however, it’s slow pace and confusing story may not be worth all the beautiful nude women Andy Sidaris includes throughout the run of the film.
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Podcast Listening Portals Follow BB&BCs via Email Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Join 980 other followers Recent Posts EP109 – Dreamaniac BBandBC EP108 – Nightmare Sisters BBandBC EP107 – Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper BBandBC EP106 – Creepozoids BBandBC EP105 – Vampyros Lesbos BBandBC EP104 – The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine BBandBC EP103 – Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror BBandBC Podcast EP102 – Scum of the Earth BBandBC Podcast EP101 – Black Devil Doll BBandBC Podcast EP100 – Jailed for Date Bait BBandBC Podcast EP13 – I Drink Your Blood BBandBC Podcast EP99 – The Mighty Gorga BBandBC Podcast EP98 – The Fearless Vampire Killers BBandBC Podcast EP97 – One Down, Two to Go BBandBC Podcast EP96 – Mr. No Legs BBandBC Podcast EP95 – Pink Flamingos BBandBC Podcast EP94 – Brain Damage BBandBC Podcast EP93 – 5 Dolls for an August Moon BBandBC Podcast EP92 – Evil Spawn BBandBC Podcast EP91 – Across 110th Street BBandBC Podcast EP90 – Queen of the Road BBandBC Podcast EP89 – Breaker Beauties BBandBC Podcast EP88 – Road Games BBandBC Podcast EP87 – White Line Fever BBandBC Podcast EP86 – 20 Million Miles to Earth BBandBC Podcast EP85 – Disco Godfather BBandBC Podcast EP84 – Black Dynamite BBandBC Podcast EP83 – She Freak BBandBC Podcast EP82 – Mamorial Day Special BBandBC Podcast EP81 – The Lost Empire Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com . The Parament Theme . Follow Follow “Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts” Get every new post delivered to your Inbox. Join 980 other followers Build a website with WordPress.com Send to Email Address Your Name Your Email Address Cancel Post was not sent - check your email addresses! Email check failed, please try again Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. %d bloggers like this:
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Recent Posts EP109 – Dreamaniac BBandBC EP108 – Nightmare Sisters BBandBC EP107 – Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper BBandBC EP106 – Creepozoids BBandBC EP105 – Vampyros Lesbos BBandBC EP104 – The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine BBandBC EP103 – Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror BBandBC Podcast EP102 – Scum of the Earth BBandBC Podcast EP101 – Black Devil Doll BBandBC Podcast EP100 – Jailed for Date Bait BBandBC Podcast EP13 – I Drink Your Blood BBandBC Podcast EP99 – The Mighty Gorga BBandBC Podcast EP98 – The Fearless Vampire Killers BBandBC Podcast EP97 – One Down, Two to Go BBandBC Podcast EP96 – Mr. No Legs BBandBC Podcast EP95 – Pink Flamingos BBandBC Podcast EP94 – Brain Damage BBandBC Podcast EP93 – 5 Dolls for an August Moon BBandBC Podcast EP92 – Evil Spawn BBandBC Podcast EP91 – Across 110th Street BBandBC Podcast EP90 – Queen of the Road BBandBC Podcast EP89 – Breaker Beauties BBandBC Podcast EP88 – Road Games BBandBC Podcast EP87 – White Line Fever BBandBC Podcast EP86 – 20 Million Miles to Earth BBandBC Podcast EP85 – Disco Godfather BBandBC Podcast EP84 – Black Dynamite BBandBC Podcast EP83 – She Freak BBandBC Podcast EP82 – Mamorial Day Special BBandBC Podcast EP81 – The Lost Empire
EP109 – Dreamaniac
BBandBC EP108 – Nightmare Sisters
BBandBC EP107 – Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper
BBandBC EP106 – Creepozoids
BBandBC EP105 – Vampyros Lesbos
BBandBC EP104 – The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine
BBandBC EP103 – Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror
BBandBC Podcast EP102 – Scum of the Earth
BBandBC Podcast EP101 – Black Devil Doll
BBandBC Podcast EP100 – Jailed for Date Bait
BBandBC Podcast EP13 – I Drink Your Blood
BBandBC Podcast EP99 – The Mighty Gorga
BBandBC Podcast EP98 – The Fearless Vampire Killers
BBandBC Podcast EP97 – One Down, Two to Go
BBandBC Podcast EP96 – Mr. No Legs
BBandBC Podcast EP95 – Pink Flamingos
BBandBC Podcast EP94 – Brain Damage
BBandBC Podcast EP93 – 5 Dolls for an August Moon
BBandBC Podcast EP92 – Evil Spawn
BBandBC Podcast EP91 – Across 110th Street
BBandBC Podcast EP90 – Queen of the Road
BBandBC Podcast EP89 – Breaker Beauties
BBandBC Podcast EP88 – Road Games
BBandBC Podcast EP87 – White Line Fever
BBandBC Podcast EP86 – 20 Million Miles to Earth
BBandBC Podcast EP85 – Disco Godfather
BBandBC Podcast EP84 – Black Dynamite
BBandBC Podcast EP83 – She Freak
BBandBC Podcast EP82 – Mamorial Day Special
BBandBC Podcast EP81 – The Lost Empire
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