Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts
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EP20 – Hard Ticket to Malibu Express In EP20 of the Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts.com Podcast, your host Mike is joined by Josh Stewart of Mentertainment Tonight. Mike and Josh discuss two Andy Sidaris films, Malibu Express (1985) and Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987). Andy’s wife, Arlene Sidaris, also joins us in this episode and talks about what it was like working with her husband Andy and others such as Julie Strain, Al Leong, Erik Estrada, Danny Trejo and the many others to appear in their films.
Arlene Sidaris Interview (15:29)
Malibu Express (54:50) Category: Boobs Badass: Cody Abilene (both Mike and Josh) Boob Count: 22 pair Body Count: 5 IMDB Rating: 3.3 Josh’s Rating: 6.5 Mike’s Rating: 4.5 Recommend: Yes (both Mike and Josh)
Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1:23:16) Category: Boobs Badass: Donna and Taryn (both Mike and Josh) Boob Count: 8 pair Body Count: 14 IMDB Rating: 3.6 Josh’s Rating: 6.75 Mike’s Rating: 5.0 Recommend: Yes (both Mike and Josh)
EP20 Feedback I’d love to hear feedback on this episode once you’ve given it a listen. Contact info is given at the end of the podcast. You can also comment right here on this page or send an email to: badassesboobsandbodycounts_@_yahoo.com (remove the _ before and after the @ or the email will bounce). Any and all feedback (positive or negative) will be read on the following episode.
EP20 Downloads Download from the RSS feed: EP20 – Hard Ticket to Malibu Express Direct download: EP20_bbandbc_hardtickettomalibuexpress.mp3 Direct from iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/bbandbc-podcast Direct from Stitcher Smart Radio: EP20 – Hard Ticket to Malibu Express
Coming up in EP21 In EP21 of the Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts.com Podcast, Mike will be joined by Kevin Bachelder from Tuning in to Sci-Fi TV and the Saturday B Movie Reel podcast. Mike and Kevin will discuss two John Carpenter films, They Live (1988) and Big Trouble in Little China (1986). This is a first for the BBandBC web site and Podcast as we have yet to discover any John Carpenter films.
Show Notes: Malibu Express (IMDB) : Hard Ticket to Hawaii (IMDB) : MENtertainment Tonight : After Movie Diner : Bad Movie Fiends : The Projection Booth : B-Movie Bargain Bin : BBandBC Facebook Group :
Podcast Promo’s: WAFU FM : Destroy The Brain : Traumatic Cinematic
Music: Hard Ticket to Hawaii
The Plot: Return to Savage Beach begins at KSXY radio where radio disc jockey Ava (Ava Cadell) and Harry the Cat (Kevin Eastman) are observing the launch of a new L.E.T.H.A.L. satellite via a space shuttle. Just minutes after the shuttle launches from the Kennedy Space Center (because we know it only takes minutes to launch and deploy a satellite into deep space), the L.E.T.H.A.L. team is online and observing all bad guy activity.
In another part of the world (Dallas, I think), a super-hot pizza delivery woman (mind you, she’s an under-cover super-hot pizza delivery woman) is putting on her skin tight delivery outfit and is off to deliver pizza and drinks to the L.E.T.H.A.L. headquarters. This super-hot pizza delivery woman manages to get by L.E.T.H.A.L. security by offering FREE pizza and soda (this is PRE-911 so security is relaxed to say the least). Once all the L.E.T.H.A.L. employees are out cold (this is the dumbest bunch of Feds I have ever seen), the super-hot pizza delivery woman steals a floppy disc containing the whereabouts of buried treasure on the island known as Savage Beach.
After the L.E.T.H.A.L. office awakes, all the L.E.T.H.A.L. agents come together in order to figure out what the super-hot pizza delivery woman was after. It seems she wanted access to the Savage Beach files as there’s a possible treasure trove of gold buried somewhere on the island. After the agents scratch their heads, they decide to call in the ‘Warrior’ (Marcus Bagwell) to assist them in the hunt for the treasure. Wait a minute, wasn’t the Warrior the bad guy in the last film, Day of the Warrior (1996)?
The Takeaway: First and foremost, the ladies in Return to Savage Beach are gorgeous from head to toe (or should I say tit to ass). Andy Sidaris once again manages to fill the on-screen action with buxom beauties who have no problem what-so-ever getting naked. Along with this are a variety of exciting gun-fights and explosions throughout the production. However, naked beauties, gun-fights and explosions aren’t enough to save Return to Savage Beach from becoming below average B-Movie fodder.
Return to Savage Beach is not Andy Sidaris’ best film. In fact, and from a script point of view, it’s possibly his worst. Let me cite some examples: 1 – A pizza delivery woman would never be allowed to just walk into a high security building. 2 – A highly skilled Federal Agent should be able to hit a target. 3 – No division of Federal Government would allow an international smuggler, bootlegger and murderer to join the good team (if this were the case, Osama Bin Laden would have been on our side long ago). 4 – I don’t care how good you are, you can’t hide a metal file in your G-String. 5 – It takes more than a few minutes to deploy a working satellite into deep space. These of course are only a handful of things that stand out like a sore thumb. The film is riddled with such scenes. So remember when going into this, it’s an Andy Sidaris film.
Film Facts: Return to Savage Beach was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1998. Return to Savage Beach (sometimes referred to as L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies: Return to Savage Beach ) is a direct sequel to Andy Sidaris’ Day of the Warrior (1996) and was the last film Andy Sidaris would direct. The only newcomer to the cast of Return to Savage Beach (coming off of Day of the Warrior ) was Carrie Westcott as Sofia. Carrie previously appeared as Playboy Playmate of the month for September of 1993. Outside of Return to Savage Beach , Carrie’s work on TV and in film has been very limited with only a handful of credits. Gerald Okamura (the martial arts expert) appeared in numerous TV and film roles. Some of these include MacGyver (1985), Big Trouble in Little China (1986), Falcon Crest (1981) and Samurai Cop (1989) to name a few. And although Okamura is a 5th degree black belt in Kung Fu, you’d never know it by watching this film as he’s terrible in the action sequences he appears in. Last but not least, Arlene Sidaris’ mother, Beebe Smillow, can be seen in Return to Savage Beach . She’s the elderly woman who gets drugged by eating pizza at the L.E.T.H.A.L. offices.
You can find out more about Andy Sidaris and his films at the Andy Sidaris Website run by his beautiful wife, Arlene Sidaris. You can also visit my review of Hard Ticket To Hawaii to learn a little more about Andy Sidaris.
Thoughts In My Head: – Tiger’s tits are ripe melons just waiting to be juiced – Cobra’s boobs look as big as ever – What the hell is that, oh, yeah, a floppy-disc – OMG, The Phantom of the Opera has arrived – Cobra is quite the package – Oh, look, it’s the Asian version of KISS – Both good and bad guys in this film can’t shoot worth a shit – Umm, ya, I don’t really want to see man-ass – The mask on Martinez is ridiculous – “Warrior, take a walk with me’ translates to “Warrior, come fuck me” – Aren’t ninja’s supposed to be stealthy – Silk has once again proven herself to be completely worthless – This is our most important mission yet, so it’s time to get topless and go for a swim – Ninja’s carry guns, OK… – If trees were bad guys, these agents would be excellent shots – Wow, that’s the worst German accent I’ve ever heard – Now that we’ve saved the world, lets go have sex – Would 40-year old gasoline still work in an engine – Cut out all the nudity and soft-core sex scenes and you’d have a 60-minute movie – Kevin Eastman’s role as Harry the Cat is not needed what-so-ever. He does nothing at all
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: The Warrior, because he’s so good looking Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Tiger, hello… Favorite Death Scene: The RC Tank death
Boob Count: 13 pair Body Count: 6
IMDB Rating: 2.8 / 10 My Rating: 2.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: As a fan of B-Movies, I want some degree of realism in the films I watch. I want to be able to believe that what I’m seeing on-screen could possibly happen in the real world, even if that belief is minimal. Return to Savage Beach is riddled with ludicrous plot devices that make it tough for even this very open-mined, amateur, film critic to believe.
The Plot: The Dallas Connection begins with a series of killings located in different countries around the world. We quickly learn that the men being targeted were to converge with each other at a scientific symposium in Dallas. The ladies doing the killings all have radios in which they communicate back to HQ after each death. And for some reason or another (you find out later), they video record each assassination.
Back in Dallas, a meeting is held at the agency where we learn about International World Arms Removal (IWAR). IWAR is a high-tech satellite project which detects everything from small arms movements, to full-blown weapons of mass destruction. What makes IWAR so different is its ability to see through the most severe weather conditions. We also learn that scientist Antonio Morales (Rodrigo Obregon) is headed to Dallas and needs to be protected as he is the key to getting IWAR online.
Once Morales arrives in Dallas, Agent Samantha Maxx (Samantha Phillips) is assigned to protect him. After her assignment begins, they’re off to watch the horse races and have a nice expensive dinner where Morals fantasizes about Maxx, whom nearly has sex with herself at the dinner table. Shortly after this (once Morales comes out of his daydream), the story begins to unfold and we see that Morales isn’t who he appears to be, so the “almost always naked” Federal Agents have to figure a way to stop Morales.
The Takeaway: I rather enjoyed The Dallas Connection . I can’t exactly put my finger on why I enjoyed it so much, I just know that when the film came to an end, I wrote in my notes ‘I like this film’. It’s not a whole lot different than previous Sidaris productions where half dressed big breasted Federal Agents run around shooting at everything that moves. So that’s not it. Maybe it was how the film ended (which I won’t give away). While most of Sidaris’ films end with the bad guys losing (and this one is no different), I think I was genuinely thrown for a loop in terms of how one particular character was written into the script. I should have seen this coming, but I didn’t, therefore I have to give credit to Christian Drew Sidaris for his writing talent in this particular production.
Film Facts: The Dallas Connection was written and directed by Christian Drew Sidaris (son of Andy Sidaris) and was produced by Andy and Arlene Sidaris. It was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in October of 1994. Christian Drew Sidaris had previously directed Enemy Gold (1993) and played second unit director to all of his fathers previous films. The Dallas Connection stars several former Playboy and Penthouse models including Julie Strain as Black Widow (Penthouse Pet of the month for June of 1991). Samantha Phillips as Samantha Maxx (Penthouse Pet of the month for June of 1993 – also a stunningly beautiful woman). Julie K. Smith as Cobra (Penthouse Pet of the month for February of 1993) and Wendy Hamilton as Scorpion (Playboy Playmate of the month for December of 1991).
Thoughts In My Head: – Nothing like boobs and bondage to start a Sidaris production – Do the Chinese really play golf – Exploding golf balls, oh my… – When I die, I want to cum and go at the same time – I thought all Asians had martial art skills, guess I was wrong – I’ve come to the conclusion that Julie Strain can’t act (but she looks amazing) – Now that the agents have their missions, it’s off to drink and have sex with each other – Is talking on your super-spy radio in ‘open public’ a smart thing to do – A pink wet suit on a man just doesn’t look right – “my mind is a blank” consider the source buddy – LOL, the super-spy radio’s are Sony Walkman’s – “should have read your fortune cookie” says the white man to the Asian (ouch) – Cobra has fabulous boobies
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Black Widow, she fucks’em then kills’em Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Cobra, she has massive boobs for such a small-framed gal Favorite Death Scene: The RC car/jeep explosion (deadly toys are always a plus)
Boob Count: 13 pair Body Count: 11
IMDB Rating: 4.1 / 10 My Rating: 5.0 / 10
Final Thoughts: Christian Drew Sidaris showed signs of improvement over his last film entry, Enemy Gold (1993). The Dallas Connection is slightly better in terms of production, pace and story, therefore making it a slightly more enjoyable film. One I can say I’ll revisit at a later time.
The Plot: Malibu Express begins when private investigator Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton) gets a call from the Government Intelligence Group to investigate some socialites whom are entangled with a group illegally selling computer technologies to the Russians. Once Cody arrives, we’re introduced to Contessa Luciana (Sybil Danning) whom is Cody’s liaison. After welcoming Cody, the two get very comfortable with each other and hop in bed for some sex.
The following morning Cody heads to the Chamberlain residents where he’s to carefully investigate the family and its hidden secrets. During his stay he finds the Chamberlains’ chauffeur, Shane (Brett Clark), sleeping with literally every woman in the house, with the exception of the elder Lady Chamberlain. Shane is not only dipping his fun-stick into the grape flavored kool-aid, but he’s also recording his love sessions with hidden video cameras.
One evening after one such recorded session, Shane is confronted by a masked-killer with a gun. This masked-killer shoots Shane, killing him, and then proceeds to take some nudie photos and a tape that was locked away in a dresser drawer. The following morning Shane’s body is found by Cody and the game is afoot as Cody dives head first into the mess he’s gotten himself into.
The Takeaway: As is par for the course, this Andy Sidaris production is all over the place in terms of story. With so many sub-plots in Andy’s scripts I often wonder how he doesn’t over-look things. Yet at the end of every film, every single sub-plot gets tied up and resolved. This is one of the things I love about Andy’s films. No matter how complex or questionable they first appear, everything gets resolved, even if the resolve is silly or unbelievable. Malibu Express is no different in terms of plot twists and turns. The story at times is complex but it all comes together in the end.
The other thing I love about Andy is, he has no issues whatsoever exploiting the women in his films (at least it appears so in Malibu Express ). He does so with grace and style never making his performers feel less than what they are. Besides, if you’re a former Playboy Playmate and sign on to appear in an Andy Sidaris production, then you likely knew you were going to get naked at some point or another. As far as the film goes, I really enjoyed Malibu Express . The script is believable (well, to a point) and it throws a lot less one-liners at you if compared to his later productions. And while you can’t take the story too seriously, there are a few very funny moments throughout the film (scenes or one-liners if you will) that should have you laughing at Cody (Darby Hinton).
Film Facts: Malibu Express was written, produced and directed by Andy Sidaris. The film was shot in and around Beverly Hills, Willow Springs Raceway in Los Angeles and parts of the Mojave Desert. It was distributed by Universal Studios and released in March of 1985. The leading man, Darby Hinton, was no stranger to the business as he appeared in 110 episodes in the popular TV series Daniel Boone (1964-1970 as a child actor). Along with his stunning good looks, his performance in Malibu Express is more then serviceable. Hinton also appeared in several different TV series throughout 70s and 80s and in Greydon Clark’s Wacko (1982). Malibu Express also features a variety of beautiful girls, most of which were Playboy Playmates. Kimberly McArthur (Jan 1982), Barbara Edwards (Sept 1983), Lorraine Michaels (Apr 1981), and Lynda Wiesmeier (July 1982). It also featured B-movie actress Sybil Danning. Needless to say, the above mentioned performers all get naked (or topless) at one point or another presenting the viewer with an orgy of boobs throughout the entire run of the film.
Thoughts In My Head: – I love boobs, tight shorts and camel-toe – Umm, can your jeans be any tighter Cody – The maid could double as Rapunzel with that hair – The thugs are named after gospels, Matthew, Mark and Luke, OK… – A topless used car dealer in the middle of a desert? I love Andy Sidaris – Wow, there are so many naked women in this film – “Make my day” are you serious? – Shit, Cody gets more ass than a public toilet
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Cody, for just looking so damned sexy Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: The shower scene on Cody’s boat Favorite Death Scene: Shane. This guy was a prick and treated women like dirt
Boob Count: 22 pair Body Count: 5
IMDB Rating: 3.2 / 10 My Rating: 4.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Although my rating for Malibu Express is just below average, I love the film for a variety of different reasons. Andy Sidaris manages to throw plenty of hot naked women at you while giving you action scene after action scene all wrapped around a silly, yet, entertaining story.
Next Episode 12/30
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Recent Posts EP109 – Dreamaniac BBandBC EP108 – Nightmare Sisters BBandBC EP107 – Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper BBandBC EP106 – Creepozoids BBandBC EP105 – Vampyros Lesbos BBandBC EP104 – The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine BBandBC EP103 – Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror BBandBC Podcast EP102 – Scum of the Earth BBandBC Podcast EP101 – Black Devil Doll BBandBC Podcast EP100 – Jailed for Date Bait BBandBC Podcast EP13 – I Drink Your Blood BBandBC Podcast EP99 – The Mighty Gorga BBandBC Podcast EP98 – The Fearless Vampire Killers BBandBC Podcast EP97 – One Down, Two to Go BBandBC Podcast EP96 – Mr. No Legs BBandBC Podcast EP95 – Pink Flamingos BBandBC Podcast EP94 – Brain Damage BBandBC Podcast EP93 – 5 Dolls for an August Moon BBandBC Podcast EP92 – Evil Spawn BBandBC Podcast EP91 – Across 110th Street BBandBC Podcast EP90 – Queen of the Road BBandBC Podcast EP89 – Breaker Beauties BBandBC Podcast EP88 – Road Games BBandBC Podcast EP87 – White Line Fever BBandBC Podcast EP86 – 20 Million Miles to Earth BBandBC Podcast EP85 – Disco Godfather BBandBC Podcast EP84 – Black Dynamite BBandBC Podcast EP83 – She Freak BBandBC Podcast EP82 – Mamorial Day Special BBandBC Podcast EP81 – The Lost Empire
EP109 – Dreamaniac
BBandBC EP108 – Nightmare Sisters
BBandBC EP107 – Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper
BBandBC EP106 – Creepozoids
BBandBC EP105 – Vampyros Lesbos
BBandBC EP104 – The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine
BBandBC EP103 – Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror
BBandBC Podcast EP102 – Scum of the Earth
BBandBC Podcast EP101 – Black Devil Doll
BBandBC Podcast EP100 – Jailed for Date Bait
BBandBC Podcast EP13 – I Drink Your Blood
BBandBC Podcast EP99 – The Mighty Gorga
BBandBC Podcast EP98 – The Fearless Vampire Killers
BBandBC Podcast EP97 – One Down, Two to Go
BBandBC Podcast EP96 – Mr. No Legs
BBandBC Podcast EP95 – Pink Flamingos
BBandBC Podcast EP94 – Brain Damage
BBandBC Podcast EP93 – 5 Dolls for an August Moon
BBandBC Podcast EP92 – Evil Spawn
BBandBC Podcast EP91 – Across 110th Street
BBandBC Podcast EP90 – Queen of the Road
BBandBC Podcast EP89 – Breaker Beauties
BBandBC Podcast EP88 – Road Games
BBandBC Podcast EP87 – White Line Fever
BBandBC Podcast EP86 – 20 Million Miles to Earth
BBandBC Podcast EP85 – Disco Godfather
BBandBC Podcast EP84 – Black Dynamite
BBandBC Podcast EP83 – She Freak
BBandBC Podcast EP82 – Mamorial Day Special
BBandBC Podcast EP81 – The Lost Empire
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