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The Plot: Fit to Kill begins with Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) sun-bathing in bikini’s under a waterfall on the Hawaiian Islands somewhere. While this is happening, we see two armed men slowly approaching the girls through the bush. Once Donna and Nicole are dressed and armed, they spot and shoot the two would-be assassins with paintball guns of all things, and then narrowly escape a missile equipped RC helicopter attack. After this, the four agents are called back to the meeting zone as this has all been a training exercise put on by the leader of L.E.T.H.A.L., Lucas (Tony Peck).
We’re then taken to Las Vegas where Kane (Geoffrey Moore) is having sex with Silk (Carolyn Liu). Outside of his hotel room is assassin Blu Steele (Julie Strain). Steele finds her way into Kane’s room shooting him in the back only to find he’s wearing a bullet-proof vest. Kane then hires Blu Steele as his own assassin (because she’s so good at what she does I suppose) and sends her out for her first kill.
Back in Hawaii, the L.E.T.H.A.L. ladies have been given orders to meet and protect business man Chang (Aki Aleong). It seems that Chang has acquired a rare diamond known as the ‘Alexa Diamond’ and the diamond itself has a deep rich history and actually belongs to the Russians. Chang would like to return the diamond to its rightful owners and needs the L.E.T.H.A.L. ladies for security purposes as there may be others after the diamond (Kane?).
The Takeaway: Color me surprised, but Fit to Kill was a real enjoyable film, more so that what I anticipated it to be. It will come as no surprise to fans of Andy Sidaris that all his regulars come out to play in this new spy adventure. Along with the regulars, we also get a couple of new faces to look at, in particular, the beautiful Julie Strain as Blu Steele and the menacing Aki Aleong as Chang. Both perform rather well considering the linear script that Sidaris had written and while the story is fairly straight forward, there are a few bright spots that turn this standard adventure into something more, if compared to previous Sidaris productions. As far as the film goes, and from a technical standpoint, there are a few continuity errors throughout but the films direction, editing, cinematography and production as a whole is serviceable.
Film Facts: Fit to Kill was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1993. Fit to Kill brought a couple of fresh faces to the Andy Sidaris stable of performers. With well over a 100 appearances in film, Julie Strain (Blu Steele) fast became known as the Queen of the B-movies. She also appeared in Penthouse magazine as Pet of the Month for June 1991 and afterwards was Pet of the Year for 1993. 1993 was a very busy year for Strain as she appeared in 10 films, two of which were Sidaris directed productions, Fit to Kill (1993) and Enemy Gold (1993). Strain also appeared in films such as Out for Justice (1991) and Beverly Hills Cop III (1993) to name a couple. The second new face, Aki Aleong, appeared in numerous TV productions starting as early as the late 50’s spanning to current day. Some of the shows include The Outer Limits (1963), Airwolf (1984), Cagney & Lacey (1986) and Hunter (1988) to name a few. He can also be seen in the Jean-Claude Van Damme directed The Quest (1996).
As a side note (thanks Arlene), the Alexa Diamond used in Fit to Kill was designed by Alexa Sidaris (now Alexa Garner Sidaris and daughter of Andy and Arlene). Alexa also worked as a jeweler on The Dallas connection (1994) and Day of the Warrior (1996). She performed as a production assistant in Hard Hunted (1992) and as production services in Do or Die (1991). Alexa has since moved on to open her own fine jewelry shop in Manhattan. You can visit Covet Jewellery and have a look at some of the beautiful jewelry she’s crafted.
You can find out more about Andy Sidaris and his films at the Andy Sidaris Website run by his beautiful wife, Arlene Sidaris. You can also visit my review of Hard Ticket To Hawaii to learn a little more about Andy Sidaris.
Thoughts In My Head: – KSXY radio = topless DJ’s – I’m pretty sure Kane doesn’t like women – Blu Steele is HOT! – Nicole has a huge caboose – The flirtatious dialogue does nothing for this film – Why do bad guys mark everything with personal bad guy logos – Missile equipped RC helicopters are really getting popular – Apparently, killing is as fun as playing video games (yahoo, I got’em) – I love Donna’s dress (no, I’m serious) – Oh no, Edy is singing (turns down the volume) – Is Edy Stark related to Tony Stark in any way – Damn, Julie Strain is tall – Evel and Knievel are the names of the hit-men, OK… – I’d love to have a dune buggy – Oh my, Ava gives new meaning to “Got Milk” – The thug watching Kane and Donna just fell asleep on the couch – Big boobs + running = joy – It’s the Matrix, only with missile equipped RC helicopters – Cover me, OK, so she jumps on top of him covering him (funniest bit of the film)
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Blu Steele, she’s so bad, she’s bad Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Blu Steele (Julie Strain) Favorite Death Scene: The boat explosion at the end of the film (two for the price of one)
Boob Count: 13 pair Body Count: 15
IMDB Rating: 2.7 / 10 My Rating: 4.0 / 10
Final Thoughts: The addition of both Julie Strain and Aki Aleong lend some freshness to what was becoming an otherwise tired motif. Had these two new faces not been part of this production, Fit to Kill may have suffered as being a bland Sidaris film.
The Plot: Hard Hunted begins in the Hawaiian islands when Kane (Geoffrey Moore) receives a small Buddha-shaped jade figurine while on his boat. He tells his sexy female companions, Silk (Carolyn Liu) and Mika (Mika Quintard), that the figurine is the worlds most valuable object and that it will make him a very powerful man. Once the figurine is locked away in a safe place (in the boats safe), Mika slips a sleeping agent into Kane’s drink and then proceeds to steal the figurine removing it from the boat.
Meanwhile in another part of the islands, we’re introduced to Ava (Ava Cadell) who works as a DJ at KSXY radio (in a bikini no less). Ava’s so-called partner, Edy (Cynthia Brimhall), works at the adjoined club as a singer/dancer but also has a tie-in with KSXY radio as she freely comes and goes from the radio station. It’s here we learn that Ava and Edy are Federal Agents who use the radio station to communicate messages to other operatives via the airwaves.
Next we’re introduced to Lucas (Tony Peck) who manages the team of L.E.T.H.A.L. from the Pentagon (this is the agency the girls belong to). We’re told that the jade figurine stolen from Kane actually contains a deadly nuclear weapon trigger known as a ‘claistron relay’ and if acquired by Kane, it would complete a nuclear weapon that Kane is having built. This of course would mean certain doom and the girls aren’t going to let that happen.
The Takeaway: God bless Andy Sidaris. I knew from the moment I started Hard Hunted that I was in for a good time and that I wasn’t going to have to worry about high production values. Right off the bat we get Cynthia Brimhall as Edy doing her lounge act in a skin tight outfit (with boobs nearly bursting out). Then we meet Ava (played by the stunningly beautiful Ava Cadell) whom works as a DJ in a bikini (I mean this woman might as well have been naked). Then there’s the office assistant who fetches coffee in a skin tight red-leather bikini. Had I known that women in radio dressed like this, I would have changed my major to communications real quick.
If dressing for work nearly naked wasn’t enough, then hold on, because later in the film they actually do work naked, well, almost naked. Ava proceeds to do her radio show from a hot tub topless alongside her topless office assistant. It seems that Ava works from wherever she wants wearing whatever she wants. She just totes along that cordless microphone sending coded messages to other agents. And naturally, while the other female agents are supposed to be standing watch for the bad guys, they always end up naked having sex with their male counter-parts. All that being said, does the story or production quality of Hard Hunted really matter? No, it doesn’t. God Bless Andy Sidaris.
Film Facts: Hard Hunted was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1992. At this point in the Andy Sidaris filmography we’re starting to see similar plot lines and faces. Back in Hard Hunted are Donna Speir, Roberta Vasquez, Bruce Penhall, Cynthia Brimhall, Al Leong and Rodrigo Obregon (all whom have appeared in previous Sidaris productions). The only newcomer is Geoffrey Moore, whom replaced Pat Morita as Kane. As a performer, Geoffrey Moore is lackluster to say the least and as I stated below “Kane is the single least threatening bad guy in cinematic history (even worse than Erik Estrada)”. As an actor, Geoffrey Moore only appeared in one other film after he appeared in Hard Hunted , and that’s Andy Sidaris’ Fit to Kill (1993).
Thoughts In My Head: – That’s it, tease us with lesbian sex – Edy, you can’t sing worth a shit, seriously… But you look fantastic! – I really want to work at KSXY radio – Al Leong’s fumanchu is amazing – Cole (Buzzy Kerbox) couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag – BOOM MIC! – Pico’s pirate patch is so awesome – Sexy time with Edy – This jade Buddha must be terribly important – OK, now the KSXY disc jockey’s are working topless, YES… – Ava Cadell’s boobs are glorious – Kane is the single least threatening bad guy in cinematic history (even worse than Erik Estrada) – More sexy time with Edy – While we’re waiting for the bad guys, lets have sex – More sex on the beach with Donna – The more films Dona Speir does with Andy, the less she gets naked, for shame… – There’s a million people on this VERY SMALL ISLAND yet no one can find Donna – As a L.E.T.H.A.L. lady, Silk is completely worthless
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Al Leong for playing the part of Raven Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Ava, what an amazing rack! Favorite Death Scene: Cole’s death. Nothing beats a machete through the chest, right Jason?
Boob Count: 10 pair Body Count: 14
IMDB Rating: 2.6 / 10 My Rating: 4.0 / 10
Final Thoughts: Hard Hunted is a slightly below average film from Andy Sidaris. There’s a lack of depth to the story and the pacing feels a bit off at times (in other words, slow). These things however can be over-looked with all the half-naked women who at times go to work that way.
The Plot: Do or Die begins with Federal Agents Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) attending a Luau on the islands. During the Luau they’re pulled aside by a thug who introduces them to Masakana Kaneshiro aka Kane aka Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita). As Kane rambles on about putting six teams of hit-men on the girls, his thug plants a bug on Donna’s wristwatch allowing him to track her whereabouts at all times (unless of course she decides to change her watch as women often do when changing clothes).
After the girls narrowly escape the first team of assassins, it’s off to Las Vegas to meet with an agency associate. The girls arrive at the Quarter Scale Association Air Show (a model airplane show held in the Las Vegas desert) and meet up with an associate who gives them a very special deadly weapon, an RC helicopter armed with missiles. Once the helicopter is neatly packed away, the girls head off (and again, narrowly escape death from a second assassin team) to meet the rest of the agency members.
Once the agency team assembles in Louisiana, we learn that Mr. Miyagi’s plan is to control the American Stock Market by killing Federal Agents (OK, I’m not sure how one controls the stock market by doing this, but I’ll go with it). Back in Louisiana, more teams of assassins arrive only to die attempting to kill the large breasted agency girls. At this point, the team is off to subdue Mr. Miyagi so he never again gets out of control (thank God, I was worried for the stock market).
The Takeaway: I’ll get right to the point, Do or Die isn’t a very good film in terms of plot or subtext. The plot is paper thin and unlike many of Sidaris’ earlier films, there are no real twists or turns to be had. In short, Do or Die is very linear in nature. Technically speaking, Do or Die is one of Sidaris’ better films as it moves along at a nice steady pace and is edited to near perfection. There are two scenes that stand out as near ‘art’. The first is the pool scene with Donna (Speir) and Estevez (Estrada). Sidaris directs this scene to near perfection as the colors and reflections of the water lend the scene to Picasso-like art. The second scene is with Shane (Shane) and Atlanta (Stephanie Schick aka Pandora Peaks). While these two simply remove their clothes and make love under a waterfall, Sidaris uses the waterfall to his advantage and slows down the speed of the camera capturing the moment in a surreal way.
Film Facts: Do or Die was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1991. Erik Estrada first appeared in films such as The Cross and the Switchblade (1970), Chrome and Hot Leather (1971) and The Ballad of Billie Blue (1972). In the mid-70s Estrada moved to a TV career and made appearances in shows such as Hawaii Five-O , Emergency and Kojak . Estrada soon landed the role of Officer Francis Llewellyn Poncherello in TVs C.H.I.P.S. , where he played a CHP officer. C.H.I.P.S. ran for 6 years and was cancelled in 1983.
The stunningly beautiful Ava Cadell (Ava) appeared in films such as The Ups and Downs of a Handyman (1975), Spaced Out (1979) and Commando (1985). Dr. Ava Cadell is currently a practicing sex therapist who has authored numerous books on the subject and can be heard on her own radio show ‘Sex Drive’ (FYI – she gets naked in Do or Die and looks stunning). The other beauty in Do or Die is Stephanie Schick aka Pandora Peaks (that’s right, the bigger the better) . Although now retired from the adult entertainment industry, Peaks posed for over 100 adult magazines in her day and also appeared in the Demi Moore driven Striptease (1996) as stripper Urbanna Sprawl. And I must say, her peaks are the peak of Do or Die .
Thoughts In My Head: – If you want someone dead, just kill them on the spot – Awesome, Nicole’s walking cane doubles as a missile launcher – Edy, please stop singing, no, seriously – Oh my, the new agent has HUGE delicious boobs – This new girl is gonna knock herself out running – Mr. Miyagi gets a happy ending massage, simply awesome – Screw the security watch, lets fuck – Don’t you have to take your pants off to have intercourse – Baseball bombs, only in an Andy Sidaris film – Who cares about standing watch, lemme have a look at those watermelons – I love 80s hair styles – That’s it, nail her in the pool Poncherello – Mr. Miyagi’s choice in assassins is terrible – How convenient, a baseball bat in the middle of the woods, OK… – Death by RC helicopter is the only way to go
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: The use of the missile equipped RC helicopter Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: It’s a tie! Both Ava and Atlanta’s boobs are delicious Favorite Death Scene: The ninjas. After all, they’re at the receiving end of missile equipped RC helicopter
Boob Count: 14 pair Body Count: 14
IMDB Rating: 2.7 / 10 My Rating: 4.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Despite the paper thin plot, Do or Die works for a couple of reasons, Ava and Atlanta’s boobs, the missile equipped RC helicopter and the fact that this schlocky action oriented film is pure b-movie entertainment.
The Plot: Guns begins with black market weapons dealer Juan Degas aka Jack of Diamonds (Erik Estrada) meeting with a gun supplier from China. After testing a new revolutionary gun, Degas agrees to purchase a bulk of the weapons and plans on smuggling them to the mainland through Hawaii. However, the islands are crawling with Federal Agents so Degas devices a plan to get the agents off the island so he can smuggle his new guns without interference.
Degas then hires two high-tech hit-men to kill key agent Nicole (Roberta Vasquez), but the hit-men mistakenly eliminate the wrong woman. Degas then gives the hit-men a second chance and the two saboteurs finally lure the agents off the island as they chase them to Las Vegas in an attempt to catch them. Once in Vegas, the story begins to unfold as both Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole figure out that Degas is behind all the craziness.
We’re then introduced to political figure Kathryn Hamilton (Phyllis Davis) as she gives a direct, specific, order, to Donna on how to handle the situation moving forward. We also learn that Kathryn is Donna’s mother. Shorty after this, Degas abducts Kathryn and things turn personal for Donna as she makes it her business to see the safe return of her mother.
The Takeaway: Unlike Malibu Express (1985), Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987), Picasso Trigger (1988) and Savage Beach (1989), Guns is a very linear film with very few sub-plots to follow. While this makes it an easy film to watch (you know, put the film in and turn the brain off), it does make for a much less interesting film. As far as direction, editing and pacing go, Sidaris does a serviceable job and delivers plenty of action. However, I’m of the opinion that the film is uneven and carries a weak cast thus lending it to one of Sidaris’ weakest films. As far as performances go, and I’m referring to bad guy Erik Estrada, his ability to perform as a bad guy in the film hurts it. I believe that Danny Trejo could have easily filled Estrada’s shoes in this role and would have been the better choice. And while the rest of the cast turn in average performances at best, Roberta Vasquez as Nicole often struggles and looks uncomfortable in front of the camera.
Film Facts: Guns was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. It was filmed in and around the Hawaiian Islands and parts of Las Vegas. Guns was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1990. Erik Estrada, to this day has been a very busy performer. Most of his appearances have been in guest spots for TV and B movies. He is of course best known for his role of ‘Poncherello’ on the TV series C.H.I.P.S. in which he appeared in 139 episodes (1977-1983). Surprisingly enough, the biggest name to come out of Guns was Danny Trejo. Trejo has appeared in over 225 roles/titles to date and can be seen in hits such as From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), Machete (2010) and Grindhouse (2007) just to name a few.
Thoughts In My Head: – If you have nice tits, you’re a shoe-in for your own Vegas show – 30 minutes in and no boobs, for shame – BOOBS! – Does oil wrestling really need a judge – Degas’ gold smoking jacket is magnificent – Erik Estrada’s hair is just amazing. It’s so silky smooth – Not one Federal Agent in this film is ever fully dressed – Do acts like Edy’s really exist in Vegas? – Ninja’s, really now… – Hit-men should never have to cross-dress – RC boats and bombs are a deadly combination for some – Never thought I’d say this, but I miss Taryn as Donna’s partner – Despite her lack of talent, Edy is hot!
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Tong (Danny Trejo), for being a steadfast side-kick to Degas Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Edy, she’s HOT! Favorite Death Scene: Degas, what an explosion!
Boob Count: 7 pair Body Count: 16
IMDB Rating: 2.9 / 10 My Rating: 3.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Guns is possibly the low-point in the Andy Sidaris film collection. It’s somewhat uneven and performances from the cast are average at best. But despite my low rating for the film (what can I say, I’m a fan of Andy Sidaris and B movies in general), I think it’s a fun romp that should be viewed with your brain turned off. Just don’t start with Guns if you’re wanting to explore the Andy Sidaris film collection as it may turn you off to the rest of his films (which are much better than this).
The Plot: Picasso Trigger begins with the assassination of businessman Alejandro Felipe Salazar (John Aprea). Salazar had just shown a painting of a Picasso Triggerfish at a museum in Paris and was killed when leaving. Meanwhile, in Hawaii, Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) are up for an early morning shower and swim. After their swim, and over-looking the view from the beach, their boat is blown up by a small remote control plane packed with explosives. Elsewhere, Travis Abilene (Steve Bond) receives a phone call and is told about Salazar’s assassination. He doesn’t seem too surprised as Salazar’s past is somewhat shady.
Once all the agency employees are gathered and given their dossier’s, it’s off to catch the bad guy, Miguel Ortiz (Rodrigo Obregon). It seems that Ortiz is laying waste to those responsible for the death of his brother and won’t stop until they’re all eliminated. At this point, Travis partners with Pantera (Roberta Vasquez) whom he shared a past with, so naturally they make great partners. This however doesn’t sit well with Donna because her and Travis seem to be entangled in a relationship as well.
Even though the agency employees have their assignments, catching Ortiz is proving more difficult than the group had thought it would be as he evades death several times. They do however catch up with him and trust me when I say this, he gets what he deserves. This however doesn’t end the mayhem as we find that there’s more to this so-called spy story than meets the eye.
The Takeaway: Like a lot of Andy Sidaris films, Picasso Trigger introduces us to a variety of characters early in the film. In fact, it takes nearly 45-minutes or so before these characters and the sub-plots start to come together. This is par for the course in most Sidaris productions, so I wasn’t overly concerned about the outcome simply because Sidaris always wraps up his stories nicely. What I really enjoyed about Picasso Trigger were the props used to kill the bad guys. You get an RC plane loaded with explosives to explode a boat. An RC car (A Tamiya Grasshopper to be exact) loaded with explosives to flush out the bad guys in Ortiz’s beach-front home. A boomerang loaded with explosives to kill a fast moving thug. And my favorite of the bunch, a crutch disguised as a rocket launcher, that’s right, a rocket launcher. Yeah I know, it sounds ludicrous, and that’s because it is. And that’s exactly why it’s so amusing.
Film Facts: Picasso Trigger was written and directed by Andy Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1988. Appearing in Picasso Trigger were seven Playboy Playmates, Dona Speir (March 1984), Hope Marie Carlton (July 1985), Roberta Vasquez (November 1984), Cynthia Brimhall (October 1985), Kym Malin (May 1982), Patty Duffek (May 1984), and Liv Lindeland (January 1971) all of which were cast in key roles. Harold Diamond as Jade (aka Harold Roth) was a well known Kick-boxer in the state of Florida and is credited as the films Martial Arts Choreographer. Diamond also appeared in several other Sidaris productions. The model plane and car creator/operator was Richard Keppel. Keppel worked close with Sidaris as a crew member and special effects artist in Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987), Guns (1990) and Do or Die (1991). The crutch gun designer was Ellen Jones whom also worked on Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) as the rocket gun designer.
Thoughts In My Head: – Kym and Pattycakes need to learn a new dance step – I miss my text pager, NOT! – Harold Diamond as Jade looks sexy as ever with his braided ponytail – Pantera’s nipples always seem to be hard – Donna never disappoints, what a rack! – Whoever invented spandex outta be shot. Not flattering in the least on man or woman – OK, that was awesome, a wristwatch that doubles as a lighter – Taryn never disappoints, what a body! – Bad guys are always terrible shots – PANTARA, you bitch! – I like this movie – OK, this just got better, move over Rumble in the Bronx, there’s a new hovercraft in town – Awesome and silly at the same time, a crutch that doubles as a rocket launcher
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Salazar, just for being so damned sneaky Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Donna’s shower scene. I love her boobs Favorite Death Scene: Any thug that gets blown up, and there are a few of them
Boob Count: 6 pair Body Count: 21
IMDB Rating: 3.8 / 10 My Rating: 5.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Picasso Trigger is one of my favorite Andy Sidaris films for a couple of different reasons. 1 – the RC toys used as weapons, 2 – the boobs (though the film is light on skin) and 3 – the non-stop action, be it gun-fire or exploding bad guys.
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Recent Posts EP126 – Taeter City EP125 – Deathstalker EP124 – Chatterbox EP123 – House of Whipcord EP122 – Cry of a Prostitute EP121 – Incident at Loch Ness EP120 – Day of the Warrior EP119 – Tarzan, The Ape Man EP118 – Bigfootery EP117 – Firecracker EP116 – Zero Woman Red Handcuffs EP115 – Butterfly and Sword EPB1 – Top and Bottom 5 of 2014 EP114 – Nekromantik EP113 – Stripped to Kill EP112 – Raw Force EP111 – Kung Fu Rascals EP110 – Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama EP109 – Dreamaniac BBandBC EP108 – Nightmare Sisters BBandBC EP107 – Bigfoot vs D.B. Cooper BBandBC EP106 – Creepozoids BBandBC EP105 – Vampyros Lesbos BBandBC EP104 – The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine BBandBC EP103 – Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror BBandBC Podcast EP102 – Scum of the Earth BBandBC Podcast EP101 – Black Devil Doll BBandBC Podcast EP100 – Jailed for Date Bait BBandBC Podcast EP13 – I Drink Your Blood BBandBC Podcast EP99 – The Mighty Gorga
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