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The Plot: The Dallas Connection begins with a series of killings located in different countries around the world. We quickly learn that the men being targeted were to converge with each other at a scientific symposium in Dallas. The ladies doing the killings all have radios in which they communicate back to HQ after each death. And for some reason or another (you find out later), they video record each assassination.
Back in Dallas, a meeting is held at the agency where we learn about International World Arms Removal (IWAR). IWAR is a high-tech satellite project which detects everything from small arms movements, to full-blown weapons of mass destruction. What makes IWAR so different is its ability to see through the most severe weather conditions. We also learn that scientist Antonio Morales (Rodrigo Obregon) is headed to Dallas and needs to be protected as he is the key to getting IWAR online.
Once Morales arrives in Dallas, Agent Samantha Maxx (Samantha Phillips) is assigned to protect him. After her assignment begins, they’re off to watch the horse races and have a nice expensive dinner where Morals fantasizes about Maxx, whom nearly has sex with herself at the dinner table. Shortly after this (once Morales comes out of his daydream), the story begins to unfold and we see that Morales isn’t who he appears to be, so the “almost always naked” Federal Agents have to figure a way to stop Morales.
The Takeaway: I rather enjoyed The Dallas Connection . I can’t exactly put my finger on why I enjoyed it so much, I just know that when the film came to an end, I wrote in my notes ‘I like this film’. It’s not a whole lot different than previous Sidaris productions where half dressed big breasted Federal Agents run around shooting at everything that moves. So that’s not it. Maybe it was how the film ended (which I won’t give away). While most of Sidaris’ films end with the bad guys losing (and this one is no different), I think I was genuinely thrown for a loop in terms of how one particular character was written into the script. I should have seen this coming, but I didn’t, therefore I have to give credit to Christian Drew Sidaris for his writing talent in this particular production.
Film Facts: The Dallas Connection was written and directed by Christian Drew Sidaris (son of Andy Sidaris) and was produced by Andy and Arlene Sidaris. It was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in October of 1994. Christian Drew Sidaris had previously directed Enemy Gold (1993) and played second unit director to all of his fathers previous films. The Dallas Connection stars several former Playboy and Penthouse models including Julie Strain as Black Widow (Penthouse Pet of the month for June of 1991). Samantha Phillips as Samantha Maxx (Penthouse Pet of the month for June of 1993 – also a stunningly beautiful woman). Julie K. Smith as Cobra (Penthouse Pet of the month for February of 1993) and Wendy Hamilton as Scorpion (Playboy Playmate of the month for December of 1991).
You can find out more about Andy Sidaris and his films at the Andy Sidaris Website run by his beautiful wife, Arlene Sidaris. You can also visit my review of Hard Ticket To Hawaii to learn a little more about Andy Sidaris.
Thoughts In My Head: - Nothing like boobs and bondage to start a Sidaris production - Do the Chinese really play golf - Exploding golf balls, oh my… - When I die, I want to cum and go at the same time - I thought all Asians had martial art skills, guess I was wrong - I’ve come to the conclusion that Julie Strain can’t act (but she looks amazing) - Now that the agents have their missions, it’s off to drink and have sex with each other - Is talking on your super-spy radio in ‘open public’ a smart thing to do - A pink wet suit on a man just doesn’t look right - “my mind is a blank” consider the source buddy - LOL, the super-spy radio’s are Sony Walkman’s - “should have read your fortune cookie” says the white man to the Asian (ouch) - Cobra has fabulous boobies
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Black Widow, she fucks’em then kills’em Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Cobra, she has massive boobs for such a small-framed gal Favorite Death Scene: The RC car/jeep explosion (deadly toys are always a plus)
Boob Count: 13 pair Body Count: 11
IMDB Rating: 4.1 / 10 My Rating: 5.0 / 10
Final Thoughts: Christian Drew Sidaris showed signs of improvement over his last film entry, Enemy Gold (1993). The Dallas Connection is slightly better in terms of production, pace and story, therefore making it a slightly more enjoyable film. One I can say I’ll revisit at a later time.
The Plot: Enemy Gold begins in a time of civil unrest and Civil War. Soldiers are told to take a small group of men behind the lines to extract gold from the enemy. The mission ends with all but two of the soldiers dying. These two soldiers succeeded in finding the gold as we see them burying it and marking a tree with a knife before dying themselves.
Next we’re introduced to modern day Federal Agents Chris Cannon (Bruce Penhall), Mark Austin (Mark Barriere) and Becky Midnite (Suzi Simpson). All three are on a scouting mission to bust drug manufacturers deep in the woods. After finding cocaine in a small cabin guarded by thugs, the three successfully bust the operation wide open, or do they? Agent Dickson (Alan Abelew), who shows up shortly after the bust, informs the three that the search was illegal, therefore the bust is invalid. Dickson then dismisses the three telling them they are on inactive duty until further notice.
After this, we learn that Dickson is directly tied to drug dealer Santiago (Rodrigo Obregon). We also meet Santiago’s personal assassin, Jewel Panther (Julie Strain). It’s here that Dickson gives Santiago a device allowing him to keep track of the three inoperative agents (whom are now on vacation camping in the woods). This eventually leads Santiago and his thugs to the gold that the three vacationing agents accidentally stumbled across while in the woods.
The Takeaway: I wasn’t sure what to expect with Enemy Gold prior to watching it as I had never seen it before. While doing a bit of research on the film I learned that it wasn’t directed by Andy Sidaris. Enemy Gold was directed by Christian Drew Sidaris, the son of Andy Sidaris, and second assistant director to most of the Andy Sidaris’ films. With that said, I went into the film with the hope of seeing something new and fresh. What Enemy Gold ends up being is very similar to that of what Andy Sidaris had been directing and producing years before. Removed from the Enemy Gold story is the L.E.T.H.A.L. organization and most of the familiar cast of characters Andy Sidaris worked so hard to build in his films, with the exception of Bruce Penhall and Rodrigo Obregon. The story however is interesting as it ties the Civil War era to modern day and does so through the childhood of the two male leads, Chris Cannon (Penhall) and Mark Austin (Barriere). However, all three leads (including Simpson) are up to the same old tricks that Sidaris laid down years earlier, thus making Enemy Gold feel very much like an Andy Sidaris directed film. In fact, the film is so similar in context to that of an Andy Sidaris film, that you’d likely not know there was a director change if you didn’t read film credits. I guess this is a compliment to Christian Drew Sidaris as Enemy Gold is rather fun to sit through despite it retreading earlier, familiar grounds.
Film Facts: Enemy Gold was written by Wess Rahn and Christian Drew Sidaris. It was directed by Christian Drew Sidaris and produced by Andy and Arlene Sidaris. Enemy Gold was released in 1993. The ladies of interest appearing in Enemy Gold are both B-Movie Queen Julie Strain as Jewel Panther and former Playboy Playmate and actress Suzi Simpson as Becky Midnite. Prior to appearing in Enemy Gold , Simpson appeared in Playboy magazine for the month of January, 1992. She also appeared in several related Playboy videos afterwards. Beyond Enemy Gold , Simpsons credits are limited to 3 other productions, the TV series Eden (1993), The Last Road (1997) and Rock Star (2001).
Thoughts In My Head: - Ouch, the fight choreography in this film hurts to watch - Hey, the 90′s called and they want their mullets back - None of these Federal Agents ever show their credentials - Oh yeah, Santiago is a ladies man, nail those two in the shower - With this music, I feels as though I’m watching porn - Jewel is over-acting her toughness - A nice cold shower means hard nipples - These agents celebrate kills as though playing a video game - Dickson’s a real cock sucker - Meow, cat-fight! - Santiago and Dickson need to get a room, or just kill each other
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Suzi Simpson as Becky Midnite, her name alone says it all Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Suzi Simpson as Becky Midnite, her boobs are perfect Favorite Death Scene: Mullet man, he goes boom with an exploding arrow to the chest
Boob Count: 10 pair Body Count: 9
IMDB Rating: 3.9 / 10 My Rating: 4.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Although the story of Enemy Gold is slightly different than that of the Andy Sidaris films before it, it feels very much like an Andy Sidaris film. If Christian Drew Sidaris intended on breaking away from the Andy Sidaris look and feel, then Enemy Gold fails. If however he intended it to be an extension of his fathers work, then he’s succeeded on all levels.
The Plot: Hard Hunted begins in the Hawaiian islands when Kane (Geoffrey Moore) receives a small Buddha-shaped jade figurine while on his boat. He tells his sexy female companions, Silk (Carolyn Liu) and Mika (Mika Quintard), that the figurine is the worlds most valuable object and that it will make him a very powerful man. Once the figurine is locked away in a safe place (in the boats safe), Mika slips a sleeping agent into Kane’s drink and then proceeds to steal the figurine removing it from the boat.
Meanwhile in another part of the islands, we’re introduced to Ava (Ava Cadell) who works as a DJ at KSXY radio (in a bikini no less). Ava’s so-called partner, Edy (Cynthia Brimhall), works at the adjoined club as a singer/dancer but also has a tie-in with KSXY radio as she freely comes and goes from the radio station. It’s here we learn that Ava and Edy are Federal Agents who use the radio station to communicate messages to other operatives via the airwaves.
Next we’re introduced to Lucas (Tony Peck) who manages the team of L.E.T.H.A.L. from the Pentagon (this is the agency the girls belong to). We’re told that the jade figurine stolen from Kane actually contains a deadly nuclear weapon trigger known as a ‘claistron relay’ and if acquired by Kane, it would complete a nuclear weapon that Kane is having built. This of course would mean certain doom and the girls aren’t going to let that happen.
The Takeaway: God bless Andy Sidaris. I knew from the moment I started Hard Hunted that I was in for a good time and that I wasn’t going to have to worry about high production values. Right off the bat we get Cynthia Brimhall as Edy doing her lounge act in a skin tight outfit (with boobs nearly bursting out). Then we meet Ava (played by the stunningly beautiful Ava Cadell) whom works as a DJ in a bikini (I mean this woman might as well have been naked). Then there’s the office assistant who fetches coffee in a skin tight red-leather bikini. Had I known that women in radio dressed like this, I would have changed my major to communications real quick.
If dressing for work nearly naked wasn’t enough, then hold on, because later in the film they actually do work naked, well, almost naked. Ava proceeds to do her radio show from a hot tub topless alongside her topless office assistant. It seems that Ava works from wherever she wants wearing whatever she wants. She just totes along that cordless microphone sending coded messages to other agents. And naturally, while the other female agents are supposed to be standing watch for the bad guys, they always end up naked having sex with their male counter-parts. All that being said, does the story or production quality of Hard Hunted really matter? No, it doesn’t. God Bless Andy Sidaris.
Film Facts: Hard Hunted was written and directed by Andy Sidaris and was produced by Arlene Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1992. At this point in the Andy Sidaris filmography we’re starting to see similar plot lines and faces. Back in Hard Hunted are Donna Speir, Roberta Vasquez, Bruce Penhall, Cynthia Brimhall, Al Leong and Rodrigo Obregon (all whom have appeared in previous Sidaris productions). The only newcomer is Geoffrey Moore, whom replaced Pat Morita as Kane. As a performer, Geoffrey Moore is lackluster to say the least and as I stated below “Kane is the single least threatening bad guy in cinematic history (even worse than Erik Estrada)”. As an actor, Geoffrey Moore only appeared in one other film after he appeared in Hard Hunted , and that’s Andy Sidaris’ Fit to Kill (1993).
Thoughts In My Head: - That’s it, tease us with lesbian sex - Edy, you can’t sing worth a shit, seriously… But you look fantastic! - I really want to work at KSXY radio - Al Leong’s fumanchu is amazing - Cole (Buzzy Kerbox) couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag - BOOM MIC! - Pico’s pirate patch is so awesome - Sexy time with Edy - This jade Buddha must be terribly important - OK, now the KSXY disc jockey’s are working topless, YES… - Ava Cadell’s boobs are glorious - Kane is the single least threatening bad guy in cinematic history (even worse than Erik Estrada) - More sexy time with Edy - While we’re waiting for the bad guys, lets have sex - More sex on the beach with Donna - The more films Dona Speir does with Andy, the less she gets naked, for shame… - There’s a million people on this VERY SMALL ISLAND yet no one can find Donna - As a L.E.T.H.A.L. lady, Silk is completely worthless
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Al Leong for playing the part of Raven Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Ava, what an amazing rack! Favorite Death Scene: Cole’s death. Nothing beats a machete through the chest, right Jason?
Boob Count: 10 pair Body Count: 14
IMDB Rating: 2.6 / 10 My Rating: 4.0 / 10
Final Thoughts: Hard Hunted is a slightly below average film from Andy Sidaris. There’s a lack of depth to the story and the pacing feels a bit off at times (in other words, slow). These things however can be over-looked with all the half-naked women who at times go to work that way.
The Plot: Picasso Trigger begins with the assassination of businessman Alejandro Felipe Salazar (John Aprea). Salazar had just shown a painting of a Picasso Triggerfish at a museum in Paris and was killed when leaving. Meanwhile, in Hawaii, Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) are up for an early morning shower and swim. After their swim, and over-looking the view from the beach, their boat is blown up by a small remote control plane packed with explosives. Elsewhere, Travis Abilene (Steve Bond) receives a phone call and is told about Salazar’s assassination. He doesn’t seem too surprised as Salazar’s past is somewhat shady.
Once all the agency employees are gathered and given their dossier’s, it’s off to catch the bad guy, Miguel Ortiz (Rodrigo Obregon). It seems that Ortiz is laying waste to those responsible for the death of his brother and won’t stop until they’re all eliminated. At this point, Travis partners with Pantera (Roberta Vasquez) whom he shared a past with, so naturally they make great partners. This however doesn’t sit well with Donna because her and Travis seem to be entangled in a relationship as well.
Even though the agency employees have their assignments, catching Ortiz is proving more difficult than the group had thought it would be as he evades death several times. They do however catch up with him and trust me when I say this, he gets what he deserves. This however doesn’t end the mayhem as we find that there’s more to this so-called spy story than meets the eye.
The Takeaway: Like a lot of Andy Sidaris films, Picasso Trigger introduces us to a variety of characters early in the film. In fact, it takes nearly 45-minutes or so before these characters and the sub-plots start to come together. This is par for the course in most Sidaris productions, so I wasn’t overly concerned about the outcome simply because Sidaris always wraps up his stories nicely. What I really enjoyed about Picasso Trigger were the props used to kill the bad guys. You get an RC plane loaded with explosives to explode a boat. An RC car (A Tamiya Grasshopper to be exact) loaded with explosives to flush out the bad guys in Ortiz’s beach-front home. A boomerang loaded with explosives to kill a fast moving thug. And my favorite of the bunch, a crutch disguised as a rocket launcher, that’s right, a rocket launcher. Yeah I know, it sounds ludicrous, and that’s because it is. And that’s exactly why it’s so amusing.
Film Facts: Picasso Trigger was written and directed by Andy Sidaris. The film was distributed by Malibu Bay Films and was released in 1988. Appearing in Picasso Trigger were seven Playboy Playmates, Dona Speir (March 1984), Hope Marie Carlton (July 1985), Roberta Vasquez (November 1984), Cynthia Brimhall (October 1985), Kym Malin (May 1982), Patty Duffek (May 1984), and Liv Lindeland (January 1971) all of which were cast in key roles. Harold Diamond as Jade (aka Harold Roth) was a well known Kick-boxer in the state of Florida and is credited as the films Martial Arts Choreographer. Diamond also appeared in several other Sidaris productions. The model plane and car creator/operator was Richard Keppel. Keppel worked close with Sidaris as a crew member and special effects artist in Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987), Guns (1990) and Do or Die (1991). The crutch gun designer was Ellen Jones whom also worked on Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) as the rocket gun designer.
Thoughts In My Head: - Kym and Pattycakes need to learn a new dance step - I miss my text pager, NOT! - Harold Diamond as Jade looks sexy as ever with his braided ponytail - Pantera’s nipples always seem to be hard - Donna never disappoints, what a rack! - Whoever invented spandex outta be shot. Not flattering in the least on man or woman - OK, that was awesome, a wristwatch that doubles as a lighter - Taryn never disappoints, what a body! - Bad guys are always terrible shots - PANTARA, you bitch! - I like this movie - OK, this just got better, move over Rumble in the Bronx, there’s a new hovercraft in town - Awesome and silly at the same time, a crutch that doubles as a rocket launcher
Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Salazar, just for being so damned sneaky Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Donna’s shower scene. I love her boobs Favorite Death Scene: Any thug that gets blown up, and there are a few of them
Boob Count: 6 pair Body Count: 21
IMDB Rating: 3.8 / 10 My Rating: 5.5 / 10
Final Thoughts: Picasso Trigger is one of my favorite Andy Sidaris films for a couple of different reasons. 1 – the RC toys used as weapons, 2 – the boobs (though the film is light on skin) and 3 – the non-stop action, be it gun-fire or exploding bad guys.
Next Episode 12/17
Podcast Listening Portals Follow BB&BCs via Email Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Join 932 other followers Like us on Facebook! Recent Posts BBandBC Podcast EP61 – Nude Nuns With Big Guns BBandBC Podcast EP60 – The Magnificent Butcher New BBandBC Capsule Reviews Web Site BBandBC Podcast EP59 – Even Dwarfs Started Small BBandBC Podcast EP58 – Bloodsucking Freaks BBandBC Podcast EP57 – The Sinful Dwarf BBandBC Podcast EP56 – The Terror of Tiny Town BBandBC Podcast EP55 – A Fallen Angel at the Manchester Morgue BBandBC Podcast EP54 – Willard BBandBC Podcast EP53 – Cannibal Holocaust BBandBC Podcast EP52 – The Big Doll House BBandBC Podcast EP51 – The Vanity Double Feature BBandBC Podcast EP50 – Attack of the Gorilla Beast BBandBC Podcast EP49 – Visitor Q BBandBC Podcast EP48 – The Spook Who Sat by the Door BBandBC Podcast EP47 – The Deadly Weapons of Agent 73 BBandBC Podcast EP46 – Bio Zombie BBandBC Podcast EP45 – Happy Birthday To Me BBandBC Podcast EP44 – Logan’s Run BBandBC Podcast EP43 – Scream Queen Hot Tub Party BBandBC Podcast EP42 – The Ghost and Mr. Chicken BBandBC Podcast EP41 – The Black Godfather BBandBC Podcast EP40 – Meet The Feebles BBandBC Podcast EP39 – Tenebre BBandBC Podcast EP38 – The Milpitas Monster BBandBC Podcast EP37 – Batman: The Movie BBandBC Podcast EP36 – Sharky’s Machine BBandBC Podcast EP35 – Humanoids From the Deep BBandBC Podcast EP34 – The Funhouse BBandBC Podcast EP33 – The Beyond Blog at WordPress.com . The Parament Theme . Follow Follow “Badasses, Boobs and Body Counts” Get every new post delivered to your Inbox. Join 932 other followers Powered by WordPress.com Send to Email Address Your Name Your Email Address Cancel Post was not sent - check your email addresses! Email check failed, please try again Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. %d bloggers like this:
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Recent Posts BBandBC Podcast EP61 – Nude Nuns With Big Guns BBandBC Podcast EP60 – The Magnificent Butcher New BBandBC Capsule Reviews Web Site BBandBC Podcast EP59 – Even Dwarfs Started Small BBandBC Podcast EP58 – Bloodsucking Freaks BBandBC Podcast EP57 – The Sinful Dwarf BBandBC Podcast EP56 – The Terror of Tiny Town BBandBC Podcast EP55 – A Fallen Angel at the Manchester Morgue BBandBC Podcast EP54 – Willard BBandBC Podcast EP53 – Cannibal Holocaust BBandBC Podcast EP52 – The Big Doll House BBandBC Podcast EP51 – The Vanity Double Feature BBandBC Podcast EP50 – Attack of the Gorilla Beast BBandBC Podcast EP49 – Visitor Q BBandBC Podcast EP48 – The Spook Who Sat by the Door BBandBC Podcast EP47 – The Deadly Weapons of Agent 73 BBandBC Podcast EP46 – Bio Zombie BBandBC Podcast EP45 – Happy Birthday To Me BBandBC Podcast EP44 – Logan’s Run BBandBC Podcast EP43 – Scream Queen Hot Tub Party BBandBC Podcast EP42 – The Ghost and Mr. Chicken BBandBC Podcast EP41 – The Black Godfather BBandBC Podcast EP40 – Meet The Feebles BBandBC Podcast EP39 – Tenebre BBandBC Podcast EP38 – The Milpitas Monster BBandBC Podcast EP37 – Batman: The Movie BBandBC Podcast EP36 – Sharky’s Machine BBandBC Podcast EP35 – Humanoids From the Deep BBandBC Podcast EP34 – The Funhouse BBandBC Podcast EP33 – The Beyond
BBandBC Podcast EP61 – Nude Nuns With Big Guns
BBandBC Podcast EP60 – The Magnificent Butcher
New BBandBC Capsule Reviews Web Site
BBandBC Podcast EP59 – Even Dwarfs Started Small
BBandBC Podcast EP58 – Bloodsucking Freaks
BBandBC Podcast EP57 – The Sinful Dwarf
BBandBC Podcast EP56 – The Terror of Tiny Town
BBandBC Podcast EP55 – A Fallen Angel at the Manchester Morgue
BBandBC Podcast EP54 – Willard
BBandBC Podcast EP53 – Cannibal Holocaust
BBandBC Podcast EP52 – The Big Doll House
BBandBC Podcast EP51 – The Vanity Double Feature
BBandBC Podcast EP50 – Attack of the Gorilla Beast
BBandBC Podcast EP49 – Visitor Q
BBandBC Podcast EP48 – The Spook Who Sat by the Door
BBandBC Podcast EP47 – The Deadly Weapons of Agent 73
BBandBC Podcast EP46 – Bio Zombie
BBandBC Podcast EP45 – Happy Birthday To Me
BBandBC Podcast EP44 – Logan’s Run
BBandBC Podcast EP43 – Scream Queen Hot Tub Party
BBandBC Podcast EP42 – The Ghost and Mr. Chicken
BBandBC Podcast EP41 – The Black Godfather
BBandBC Podcast EP40 – Meet The Feebles
BBandBC Podcast EP39 – Tenebre
BBandBC Podcast EP38 – The Milpitas Monster
BBandBC Podcast EP37 – Batman: The Movie
BBandBC Podcast EP36 – Sharky’s Machine
BBandBC Podcast EP35 – Humanoids From the Deep
BBandBC Podcast EP34 – The Funhouse
BBandBC Podcast EP33 – The Beyond
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