The Plot:
Death Spa opens with a long slow crane shot of the city behind a spa. This shot eventually finds its way down onto the streets and into the primary location of the film, the Starbody Health Spa. We’re then taken inside the spa as the camera slowly pans past all the high-tech workout equipment, ending up in the aerobics room were Laura (Brenda Bakke) is working out. Once she’s through with her workout, she’s met by the last remaining spa employee in the building, Marvin (played by the iconic Ken Foree). Marvin tells her to lock up before leaving as he walks out the door. Laura then heads to the sauna and disrobes once inside. As she lies there enjoying her steam bath, the steam begins to increase at an amazingly fast pace, burning her body landing her in the hospital.

It’s at this point we’re introduced to the spa’s owner, Michael (William Bumiller). Michael rushes to the hospital hearing the news about Laura whom we find he is dating. Laura is Micheal’s first girlfriend since the mysterious death of his wife. The following day, it’s back to business at the spa for Michael. He makes his rounds at the spa introducing the viewer to certain individuals who later plays a role in the story. We’re then taken into the computer room where we meet David (Merrit Butrick), the spas IT man. We see panels and panels of late 80’s computer equipment in which we learn run the spa. Want to work out? The slide your key-card at a piece of equipment and your greeted with a female version of Stephen Hawking and your workout is recorded. Pretty advanced stuff for a health spa.

Now that the plot has been properly setup, things begin to go bad in the spa. At first the accidents are mild, but they quickly become deadly. One victim is lured down into the basement where she dies from acid water coming from the sprinkler system. Another loses her hand in a drink mixer that wasn’t plugged in. Another is confronted by a ghost and gets his hand blown off when he attempts to shoot it. As the deaths continue to mount (no need to shut the spa down, it’s OK if people continue to die while we figure this all out), Michael half suspects David is the killer but can’t quite prove it. He also uncovers that his attorney and another spa-member setup the first incident with Laura in an attempt to wrestle the spa from him. As far as the police investigation goes, well, lets just say that these two knuckle-headed investigators are too busy drinking coffee, eating lunch and tossing out one-liners to really make a difference.

The Takeaway:
Putting Lloyd Kaufman’s brilliant Toxic Avenger aside, has there ever been a successful horror film themed around health spas or exercise? There’s Killer Workout , naw, that’s crap. What about Aerobicide ? Oops, that’s the alternative title for Killer Workout . There are workout scenes in Happy Birthday to Me , A Nightmare on Elm Street parts 2 and 4, Demons 2 , I know What You Did Last Summer , Fear No Evil and even The Rocky Horror Picture Show . Do those count? No, they really don’t. OK, then, lets not put Lloyd Kaufman’s brilliant Toxic Avenger aside and call it what it is, the most successful health spa/exercise horror film to date. But wait, I’m not here to write about The Toxic Avenger , am I.

I’ve been wanting to see Death Spa for some time now. I rented one of Lucio Fulci’s films (on VHS) about 12 years ago (I forget which film it was) and saw a trailer for Death Spa on it. The trailer looked amazing, so upon returning the Fulci tape, I asked about Death Spa and was told they didn’t have it. Time begun to pass and each trip back to the video store yielded no results. Then the DVD craze hit and VHS copies of films began to dwindle as did my hopes of seeing Death Spa . With no Death Spa DVD currently released (or on the horizon fro that matter), I opted to hit the online gray-market area and finally purchased a copy on DVD-R. Sadly, and in this case, the trailer ended up being better than the film.

Death Spa , as promising as it looked, lacks solid direction, pacing and editing. The script feels almost unfinished as the film seems to go a whole new direction mid-way through. It begins firmly enough and lays the ground work for what could have been a great film, yet it manages to trip all over itself and completely veer off course. This is what hurts the film the most. Then there are moments of pure stupidity within the script. How does someone setup acid water in a sprinkler system? Then how do they get the sprinkler system to turn on in the basement and nowhere else in the spa? How does a bartender lose her hand in a blender that’s unplugged while dozens of people are standing around watching but not helping? How do dozens upon dozens of people at a party not see or help with the bizarre occurrences happening all around them? The script also ignores proper police procedure by throwing two inept investigators into the mix, who would later just become part of the body count (which had to have been the plan from the get go). And why in the world would you reveal the so-called killer so early in the film? I mean it was 45-minutes into the film and I still had no idea who the killer was (sure, I had my suspicions, but I didn’t know who it was) and then BOOM, the writers just dumps him into my lap. Poor execution to say the least.

Despite all the films issues, I’ll give credit where credit is due. A couple of the death scenes are impressive and are worth mentioning. The scene where a woman is decapitated by an exploding mirror stands out as does the victim of the acid rain as her face melts away quite nicely. Credit goes to Chris Simmons for the wonderful work he did in the special effects department.

Film Facts:
Death Spa was directed by Michael Fischa and was written by James Bartruff and Mitch Paradise. Prior to Death Spa , Bartruff had one writing credit to his name, the mid-80’s TV show ‘What’s Happening Now’ (one episode) and no other writing credits since. Paradise had only 3 writing credits for TV and only one after Death Spa . It’s pretty evident that Death Spa was doomed from the beginning from at least from a writing standpoint. The films director, Michael Fischa, had two directing credits prior to Death Spa and seven afterwards. So putting together an inexperienced director with inexperienced writers was a recipe for disaster, at least in the case of Death Spa .

A couple of people did manage to survive Death Spa in terms of future careers. Chris Simmons, the special effects supervisor went on to work in films such as Batman Forever , Independence Day , Deep Impact , I, Robot and Monsters vs Aliens in visual effects. Ken Foree has been working steady since his role as Peter in George A. Romero’s masterpiece Dawn of the Dead (1978) and usually spends his time in supporting roles. Luckily for us, genre fans that is, Death Spa didn’t kill Ken’s career. Others in the film also went on to work in the industry but I won’t bore you with those ‘soap operaish’ details.

Favorite Badass or Badass Moment: Sorry kids, no badasses in this one
Favorite Boobs or Boobs in a Scene: Shower scene, plenty of fun-bags to be seen here
Favorite Death Scene: The decapitation of a spa member when a mirror explodes

Boob Count: 9 pair
Body Count: 14

IMDB Rating: 5.1 / 10
My Rating: 3.5 / 10

Final Thoughts: Unless you’re a glutant for punishment, just stick with the Death Spa trailer. It has everything you’ll want to see, and its much shorter.